One Small Step | ✔

Say The Three Words Before You Can't

We're in the car,
on the way home
when Roman's phone
rings.

He pulls it out of his pocket,
and gives it to me.
His face drains of colour when he sees it.
"Can you answer it for me?"

A glance
at the screen
shows it's
his mother.

"Hello?" I say nervously.
"Tallulah, is that you?"
Her voice screams urgency and something else.
"Roman's driving." I answer.

"He's awake, Tallulah.
Soren
is
awake."

My heart is pounding.
He's awake.
He's awake.
He lives while they don't.

But I push the negativity aside
knowing it will
do me no
good.

"Really? Are visitors allowed?"
I ask her, happy about the good news.
"Family only, but I'm sure I can pull
a few strings," she tells me.

"We'll be right there."
I promise her.
Roman is already driving a little faster,
guessing what's happened.

"Soren's awake?"
he asks, keeping his eyes on the road.
"Soren's awake."
I comfirm.

He pulls over to the side
and we look at each other.
"He's awake."
There's pure relief in his voice.

I lean over
and hug him.
He kisses me.
"He's alive."

His voice breaks as
he buries his face into
my hair.
"He's alive."

He repeats it again and again
and when we finally arrive
outside Soren's room,
Roman can barely believe it.

Soren's head is on the pillow,
but his blue eyes are open
and his cheeks flushed
with colour.

Both their parents are
in there with him,
fussing around him.
Roman swallows nervously.

"Are you ready?" I ask him quietly,
giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.
He looks down and pulls me in for a hug,
"Yeah, thanks."

He knocks twice on the door
and Mrs. Olsen opens it.
Soren looks at his brother
and grins. "Hey."

Roman musters a smile,
"The second you're better,
I'm pounding out whatever idea
it was that landed you in this mess."

"Understood," he replies.
Looking at me, he squints.
"Sorry, do I know you?"
I'm unsure how to reply.

Thankfully, Roman isn't.
"This is my girlfriend, Tallulah Bay.
She moved here
two months ago."

A subtle shake of his head
tells me not
to overwhelm
him.

"Tallulah Bay, huh." Mr. Olsen says.
"Pleasure to meet you. My wife adores
you and my son is infatuated."
The tips of Roman's ears turn bright red.

Mr. Olsen is a big, tall man, with
greying hair.
He stands very straight with a great
smile on his face.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Olsen."
I manage, smiling a little.
He gives a hearty laugh.
"Eli is fine."

"I must head back to my office,
but Roman, remember to bring her
for dinner some time soon."
Mr. Olsen lectures him.

"I have to leave too," Mrs. Olsen says.
"But stay as long as you want.
There should be some food in the fridge,
Roman."

"Actually," Mr. Olsen interjects,
"This calls for a celebration.
Why don't we go to a restaurant tonight.
All of us. It's high time we meet your family, Tallulah."

It'd be rude to say no,
but I'm not sure
how my father will
react.

Still, I respond.
"Sure, just
let me ask,
Aunt Margaret."

"Soren isn't supposed to leave the hospital,"
Mrs. Olsen frets.
Mr. Olsen is unperturbed.
"I'm sure we can clear it with the doctors."

"I'm still here, you know." Soren says.
"Your muscles aren't used to movement
anymore."
Mrs. Olsen shoots back.

Soren grunts but both
his parents ignore him and leave,
Roman takes a seat next to
Soren's bed.

"So why'd you do it?"
Roman asks, folding
his arms across his chest.
Soren stares straight ahead.

"Dru, Nana,
my parents' deaths.
The teachers.
Hell, pretty much everything."

This is a private moment.
One meant for only the two brothers,
but when I begin moving silently towards the door,
Roman asks me to stay.

His eyes betray so much hurt, sadness,
and anger.
"Dru wasn't your fault. You weren't even there."
Roman says heatedly.

"But I should have been there."
Soren's eyes flash angrily at his brother.
Roman opens his mouth and shuts it again,
before burying his face in his hands.

"Tal, do you,"
he hesitates,
"Mind telling him about your sister and
best friend?"

I shake my head and prepare
myself to explain but Soren stops me.
"No, I was lying when I said I didn't know
your girlfriend."

Both
Roman and I
just stare.
"Sorry, what?"

He grins that crooked grin of his.
"I remember. It felt like a dream,
but I remember you telling me about
Carina and Adam."

He closes his eyes just for a moment
before opening them again.
"You know, bro,
I had dibs."

Roman's laugh is half-hearted, but laced with relief.
"Well, she's mine now."
"Oh, shut it."
I tell him.

"You've considered it before,
haven't you?"
Soren is serious now.
He holds my eyes with his firmly.

"Yeah," I admit, thinking
of the antidepressants I still take,
hidden at the back of my drawers.
None of them know.

"Don't," he says.
"It's a bad choice. Only when I was
almost dead, did I realize how scared I was,
how much I wanted to live."

He closes his eyes and Roman
stands up. But before we leave,
he says, eyes still closed,
"Carina says hi."

I stop,
and he mumbles softly,
"She says, 'Tell Lulu-Bear
I love her."

But when I finally turn
to look at him,
he's already fallen asleep,
his chest rising slowly.

Back in the car,
Roman looks at me
before he starts the engine.
"What?" I ask, feeling self-conscious.

"It might be too soon to say this,
and it's probably going to scare you off
but I want to, just in case I never
am able to, ever again."

Roman says nervously.
He's wringing his fingers,
staring straight ahead
at nothing.

"Some people call the words
sacred, but I've always thought, if you
do love them, if you mean it,
tell them.

"You never
know when you
won't
be able to."

He looks down at his fingers,
then back at me.
"Tallulah Bay,
I love you."

I'm shocked by his bluntness.
But I return the gesture,
knowing in my heart it's the truth.
I do mean them.

"Roman Olsen,
I love you too."
The words make me feel giddy.
He loves me like I love him.

I wish I had a chance to tell Carina and Adam I loved them too.