Fighting my monsters

Part 12

Warning ⚠️
Self harm
Gay slurs
Abuse

Jihoon's pov

Today was different when I got home from school my dad wasn't there
I wonder where he is,probably at a bar
He has been drinking a lot more since mum left and every time I get home the house stinks of alcohol intoxicating my lungs he has also started smoking even though he said it was bad before and that it could kill you.
Kill you ....
Kill me....
Maybe I should listen to them and and stop the pain I'll do anything, anything to not feel sad to feel relief.i walk to the bathroom and started searching for something sharp eventually finding it in my dads spare shaving blade box.
I pull out the blade as it shone under the light enchanting me as I move the blade closer to my wrist but paused thinking is this the best option?

Yes it is

The blade carried on its journey to my arm to make scars that that will always serve as a memory of how worthless I am and how much I'm not wanted.

Dragging the blade across my pale wrist creating a beautiful picture of red dripping down onto the floor but the relief was only temporary not lasting for very long. So I made more marks upon my own canvas until it was full reaching all the way up to my elbow.

Even though I felt dizzy I still felt happy, I could finally show my pain in a beautiful picture.

I have gotten so used to the pain my dad and my bullies have put me through I've forgotten how to smile.How to be happy. How to live.I need pain now i deserve it.

I run my arm underneath the hot water tap enjoying the sting on my skin it reminds me of what I have done and for the first time in ages a smile comes to my face and I was disgusted in myself. I was proud of the pain.

I walked out of the bathroom and begin making tea for my dad knowing he will be home later and if it isn't ready I will get hit again. I'm not having any though, I'm still to fat the dieting has not helped I still look fat I NEED to stop eating so I'll at least be thin.

After and hour of cooking tea the door slams open revealing my dad so I put the food on the plate as quickly but neatly as humanly possible and wait for him to sit down. Which he does.

I hope he likes it, then I won't get hurt

But of course he doesn't he says it's disgusting

"What is that?! It's disgusting and you expect me to eat THAT? It tastes like dog food!" He screams at me
"S-sorry I'll do better next time" I say cowering in fear
"Next time isn't good enough. It will never be good enough you will never be good enough" he says glaring at me standing up and marching towards me is the last thing I see before

Punch

Kick

Slap

Stab

Yep,that's right, it's gone that far where he has started drawing blood but what I didn't realize was that my sleeve has ridden up my arm exposing my bandage.

" so you have finally decided to hurt yourself huh? It was about time faggot you don't deserve to live"

And that was the last thing I remember before darkness

A/N sorry for the late update but I will try to update every week or so. Tell me if it's getting repetitive and please give me ideas