Two Secret Diaries || Hyunin

6.

Hyunjin

"Actually, I am a panicked gay. I might be in trouble. Let me explain: I already had crushes on guys before but like I never actually liked somebody more than that.

And usually I had crushes because the guy was handsome but often their personnality wasn't so good. And I don't like judging people only by their looks. It can be difficult to do that , we're humans after all but it was important to me that I appreciated the person in his entirety.

So, as everyone knows, every single Stray Kids member is good looking (because otherwise they wouldn't be idols, that's the rule, it sucks in my opinion but we can't do anything about it).

So the first time I met everyone during trainee days, I was always starstruck by their looks. But once the shock passed and I learned to know and appreciate them for what they were, we became really good friends.

Like honestly, I like them very much, I'm so grateful to have such talented and kind friends (even if I don't say it and tease them a lot!).

But the problem is: I might kinda feel attracted to one member in particular, and not only because of the looks or because he is a good friend.

I'm not stupid, I perfectly know that the way my body reacts to the mere presence of this person means I might be developping feelings.

And that's not good at all!

Because I can't be like that, because we're idols. And because we're friends. And I'm so frustrated at myself for being like this with him.

But what can I do? I'm gonna live 24/7 with him for the next years. I have to erase my feelings somehow.

Maybe if I try to not spend as much time with him as I do? I'll act normal on shows and everything but will give him the cold shoulder behind the cameras.

This is going to be hard but I have to do it. I have to forget about it because it's impossible. I have to blow out the sparks that began when I still can.

Because if I don't do anything, I'm afraid these feelings will grow so big I won't be able to hide anything. Conceal, don't feel. That's what I have to do, to preserve me, him and everyone else.

For everyone's good."

This evening, Jeongin is laying on his bed after a long training day. He hears some of his members chatting and playing games in the living room while he is calmly chilling by himself.

Nobody interrupts his alone time for once. Even Seungmin didn't annoy him before he went to bed since he was too tired to do so.

Jeongin greatly appreciates this time but somehow it feels kinda odd.

Eventually, he comes to miss the warmth of a certain someone, even if he didn't sleep with him everytime, but still.

Now that the maknae thinks about that, he notices that it has been quite a long time since it happened last, longer than it usually takes. Jeongin falls asleep while wondering why.