Two Secret Diaries || Hyunin

21.

I.N

"Oh my gosh! I... I don't even know how to express what happened to me. This is unbelievable.

I got confessed to. 

By my best friend.

Writting it down makes it sound more real. I'm so confused. My thoughts are in a frenzy, my mind is in total chaos. And my herratic beating heart isn't really helping me to see clear.

I thought he liked me as a friend, I thought his clinginess was because I was his favorite friend, not because he had feelings for me.

And he's a boy! I know we're in times where boys loving boys is accepted in more and more countries but it isn't in ours. We don't see male couples, ever.

This happening to me is so weird. I not in million thoughts would have imagined it would happen to me but here I am. 

Maybe I cannot actually say I didn't see it coming. I mean, his behavior has always been a bit more... how do I say?... adorable towards me.

I know there's a lot more male idol couples than what fans suspect. 

Even if no one says anything and there is no public display of it, it is visible where no cameras can reach: backstage at shows and concerts. There's just that feeling we get when we see others interact, how they look like they are way more close than what they show to others.

But, I still feel like I've been thrown into a game where nobody has given me the rules. How am I supposed to go forward? What should be my next move?

Wait, but for how long has he been feeling this for me? If he got the courage to confess it means it has been on his mind for quite a long time, doesn't it?

This is so wild. My life has been turned upside down with no warning. Yesterday it was fine and now I'm rethinking my whole life. I cannot comprehend it.

I'm still young, I don't even know what love is!"

The group is following its scheduled activities, unaware of the messy state of mind in which is their maknae. Today a skit for a TV show is filmed with only some of the members, the others working on another project.

The fact that Hyunjin isn't there is a relief for the poor maknae. Jeongin is doing the best he can to stay focused on what he has to do, keeping his thoughts from wandering too far and risking to send him into confusion again.

When his part is over, he manages to catch Seungmin who has also finished for the day. They have to stay on location so Jeongin finds a spare room to have a private conversation with his close friend and confident.

When both are seated, the maknae begins telling the whole story with Hyunjin, his confession and how he himself reacted to it.

Seugmin listens attentively and takes a minute to think about what happened.

- So, tell me how you're feeling, Seungmin finally asks, trying to find a way of understanding what the maknae wants from this discussion.

- I... I don't know. That's the problem. All I'm feeling is confusion.

- Okay, okay. Then tell me... how does the idea of liking a boy sounds?

- I... erm... well it does not disgust me. But it's weird. I mean, I don't understand how it's possible.

- Well, there's nothing to understand. Love isn't about gender, love is about the person, Seungmin asserts as an evidence. "Now tell me what Hyunjin is to you."

Jeongin complies to Seungmin's demand, thinking about it seriously.

- He's my best friend. He's nice even if he's a bit of a drama queen. But I like that, it doesn't fail to make me laugh. He's caring and humble. He's confident, hard-working and hella talented. When he's here I feel at home.

- That's a good start, notes Seungmin. "How would you feel if you two were to hold hands?"

- I... well, we already do that, Jeongin answers, a light pink dusting his cheeks.

- What about kissing?

- I... erm..., the maknae is now full on blushing.

Seungmin laughs, amused by the shy younger's cute side.

- And how do you feel about sharing your whole life with him, every single day, even when he annoys the hell out of you, even if he falls sick, even if he becomes old and wrinkled?

- I... wow that's a lot! But I think I kinda like the idea.

- Well then, there's nothing else I can do for you. I've done my duty, he says winking at the maknae on his way out, leaving the younger to think about his words and true feelings.