Two Secret Diaries || Hyunin

8.

Hyunjin

"I'm feeling so down lately and I'm not sure why. Of course I don't show it to the others to spare them useless worries. But I don't know what to do, it's eating me out.

The only thing that distracted me from my chaotic thoughts was Changbin coming to me for advice. That's quite an unusual thing for Changbin to do. He would rather go to Felix than anyone else.

So when he asked to sleep with me last night, I was very surprised but agreed because he promised me cuddles. I can't resist to cuddles and Changbin is one of my favorites in terms of quality cuddles.

So we laid on my bed in the dark after our schedule of the day and started talking (or more like whispering to not bother the other members' sleeping).

He said he was feeling awkward lately and bothered. Relatable. I didn't say anything though and he continued on. 

He reminded me of how we (the members) tease him and Felix all the time because of their closeness and espacially for THE kiss. I smiled at that.

But then he mentionned how he played with this too, even on stages and even if it made him flustered. At this point, I was guessing where this conversation was heading but let him go on nonetheless.

He admited that he doesn't know if he crossed a border or not and being so vague about it was making him feel unwell.

Since the kiss he changed how he saw Felix but thought it was all behind now when it really wasn't. He is basically questionning his entire life, it's like a crisis right now and he doesn't know how to handle it.

So I asked quite a sensed question: why didn't he talk about that with Felix?

Changbin was so shook as he told me: "How can I even do that??"

Even if the room was dark I know his cheeks turned red. Then he calmed down and asked me with a serious tone: "Do you think I might be gay?"

I answered no because I truly didn't think he was. He isn't like me, I somehow knew that.

But I explained that it didn't mean it would keep him from feeling the way he did towards Felix."

After cuddling Hyunjin for a bit, Changbin silently returns to his bed, his thoughts running wild but his mind somehow more clear.

Hyunjin on the other hand is still bothered by his own thoughts. He thinks about his plan of avoiding Jeongin and how it is hurting the younger.

He questions if he is right about continuing it, if he was even right for starting it at all.

After groaning and sighing a few times, Hyunjin shuffles in his covers to find a comfortable position to sleep. Unfortunately, he can't stop rolling over in his bed and can't find sleep at all this night.