Two Secret Diaries || Hyunin

17.

I.N

"I think I didn't write it yet in this diary but I used to have a lot of fights with my hyungs back in trainee days. It was never too serious but I remember being pissed off by them often.

It happened the most with Hyunjin and we actually still have some, though I can't remember what they were for and nowadays it's more like bickering really.

I guess early teenage days are tough for everyone. But in a way it helped us learn more about the others and how they fonction, what ticks them off and what they accepted to let go.

Everyone changed to be more carring for each other and leraned to listen to criticism in order to transform into a better person. We're still quite childish though, but nobody complains.

I know how some of my hyungs put up a front to avoid getting hurt or send the wrong image that would be misunderstood. Especially Hyunjin.

At first I thought he was rude and loved only himself. But when I got to know him better I discovered he's actually the most sensitiv amongst us.

Some fans think he isn't at all because he smiles even when bad things happen but I know he does that because he feels uncomfortable and it's his way of coping (not because he's laughing at someone). He isn't doing it on purpose. 

Like this time in our early debut weeks when haters accused him of bad things. He teared up because he thought his past mistakes were damaging Stray Kids' image and because he thought people didn't love him.

Chan reassured him that it wasn't the case, that haters would always try to bring us down by jealousy but that the love of our fans and members is stronger.

Hyunjin does regret the stupid things he said when he was younger (and that were way exagerrated by haters) and I know he changed since then.

He was maybe a bit too careless during his teens but as he says himself, he was immature. Hyunjin isn't full of himself at all. The way he jokes is only to make us laugh and love ouselves better. He is a very good hyung.

He cares a lot about our emotional health and never forgets to show us how much we are loved through hugs and teasing."

It's dark in the dorms but Felix's eyes are wide open. He misses his hyung so bad. Just as he was about to get up, he stills at the sound of the front door slowly opening.

The 3Racha team is finally back from the studio. After hushed whispers of goodnights and rummages through closets, the door to Felix's shared room opens to let Changbin in.

But instead of going to his own bed, Changbin slides swiftly under Felix's covers.

- Hi Binnie, whispers Felix.

- Oh, you're awake? whispers Changbin back.

- Yeah, I couldn't sleep... I was waiting for you, confesses the shy boy.

Changbin doesn't respond but instead hugs Felix tightly by the waist. Felix attaches his arms around Changbin's neck and their faces become close in the dark room.

Changbin, not able to hold himself back any longer, closes the distance between their lips and kisses Felix avoiding making any noise.

Felix melts into the kiss. His missed it too much. Ever since they began exchanging kisses on the lips a few weeks prior, he's gotten addicted to them.

Changbin and Felix are both a bit confused about it because they are pretty sure friends don't usually do that, even when they are best friends. But it's too good not to.

They don't really care about what others could think at the moment, all they care is for each other, for these suspended moments in time when they can be together and truly themselves.

When they finally stop kissing, Felix nuzzles his face in Changbin's face tenderly. Changbin caresses Felix's waist and drags his hands up, pressing their bodies together even more.

They bask into this happy feeling and caress each other until sleep prevents them from doing it anymore.