In His Eyes

Chapter Twenty-Seven

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V E R O N I C A

Some people really have it easy. That's all I have to say. Life is easier when you have people that you can trust with your life. Maybe I'm just overreacting and being a dramatic bitch. I have people.

Then why don't I feel like it?

Scratch that. I'm actually very curious. How the frick do all these girls find good looking boyfriends or males in general that run after them no matter how much they reject them?

I know these tricks too. Tried them. Didn't work. I just have one happy question. What the frick am I doing wrong? Is there something that I don't know? Black magic or shit?

Nevertheless, it's been I don't know how many days since I left. I didn't count them or anything. I didn't need to. This summer really was a rollercoaster.

If someone were to ask what the hell happened that led me in this situation. Well... there's actually a thing or two.

When I first returned home, things were, well... adequate. I had a positive mindset and expectations along with it.

As more and more days passed. I'd sit up all night imagining different scenarios in my head and on my swing about how he would come for me, surprise me, see me, hug me, spend some time with me or do something, anything for me.

We all know who he is.

But I already knew that all of that will stay in my mind and imagination only. That didn't stop me for wanting more. Wanting more memories created with him.

I'd overthink and overlook every scene over and over in my head to find where I had gone wrong to make him behave like that. I kept on searching and I kept on blaming myself for things I knew I wasn't responsible for in order to make myself feel the same about him.

And it worked, but the pain was still there. It was like a constant emptiness and burn in my chest to remind me that he was real and that I managed to stay interested in a guy for such a long time. I'd spend days thinking that I must've done something wrong to push him away.

I hate how stupid and desperate I was back then.

My thoughts were insecure and hesitant, it was strange to me that a single summer can feel so bad.

It'd always go like I'm completely fine on the inside and I would try to get myself out there and have fun with my friends, but the sadness truck would hit me a second after that.

Duh, that's how depression actually works, idiot.

I'd always find excuses about how maybe he's on vacation or a match or helping around the house or something else so he didn't have time to text me, ask about me or call me.

I knew that no matter how busy you are you can find a second to send a hi text to someone. It's okay that you don't want to call and spend hours on the phone because you are busy, but a text only takes a second. I didn't let that sink in too.

I'd recieved a photo of him yesterday by Ava. He seemed like he was walking on the street with some girl beside him, it was obvious that they were close by their body language. Guess what, I found an excuse for that too, my mind was willing to go way too far to think that it was his aunt, cousin or even some other relative. But it was obvious that I was only lying to myself.