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Portals to Them

The girl walked along the forest path deep in the woods. Her hands gracefully moving over a trees bark here and there. Her fingers feeling each small bump and crevice. The leaves crunched beneath her feet with each steady step she took. The birds conversing away as the sun shone high in the sky.

Nature's music played; its the same yet so different each day. A world of comfort filled with new little exciting adventures.

The wind blew her curly hair to the side. The smell of the ocean that was far below her filled her senses. The greenery surrounded the edge of the cliff, meeting a pebble pile in the middle.

The soft clouds scattered themselves across the sky. The girls hand reaching up and tracing each one with her finger. With her features calm, not really showing any expression, she watched the sky.

But the longer she watched, the more clouds rolled in. The darker the sky got. All until the world around her turned pitch black.

She ran about, trying to find some sort of answer. Her bare feet making no noise as it hit the missing ground. Her breathing picking up and almost stopping.

No light was to be seen, just darkness everywhere. Like she'd been thrown into the abyss.

She sat and pulled her legs close to her. Fear filling every part of her body.

A bright light shone, multiple did. Like little portals to different dimensions or perhaps the same dimension she was in, just different people.

She watched as each scene played in front of her.

A boy was happily laughing with his friends as they drank the night away.

A girl was studying hard whilst on the phone to her friend before they were to graduate the next week.

Two girls laughed and joked in their pj's late at night.

A girl and boy sighed happily as they cuddled up watching their favourite show together.

Each time one finished a new one would show. More tears would spill. More thoughts would fill her mind.

Why am I not accepted? Why am I so lonely?

Her mind raced as she put together the puzzle pieces of her past. As she looked back and seen how everyone she's ever called a friend, every place she's been to-no one actually liked her. And if they did it wasn't for her. Perhaps they took pity on the girl, perhaps they just got stuck with her.

She realised that maybe she was just THAT annoying person no one like despite not really ever saying much. She questioned why she couldn't just be happy with the friends she had. Surely they genuinely love her and want her as a friend. But as each day passed by she couldn't seem to shake the thought that:

Hey, maybe they'd just prefer that girl over you. Hey, they've got friends in real life.

And look at her, she's got nothing. She's holding on by this emotional support but now she's lacked the physical side of it so much that it's drowning her.

She'll never be like the ones she's seeing in these little portal like windows. Laughing with friends, being happy.

No.

She thinks.

I'll be stuck with the demons that cloud my mind. I'll be stuck forever convincing my only friends that I'm fine, that I don't tell myself I'm worthless or useless about a million times a day and that I don't spend hours questioning why I can't seem to just fit in anywhere. I'll just continue down this spiral in life forever hoping for it to get better and no matter how hard I try it won't because I'm just not destined for happiness. I'm destined to have an illness for the rest of my life that will tear me down. A battle inside my own mind that I'll never win. A stone wall built strongly around my heart that no one can ever get in or find a crack in it. Never drying eyes because even though I don't cry much the tears are still there reminding me of how weak I am. It'll just be-me.

She closes her eyes, letting a few tears slip by. Once she opens them she finds herself sat on her bed. Hair in a bun, nothing but a T-shirt and underwear on, hugging her favourite plush close to her.

.

.

.

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She can't escape her darkness, even when in her dreams.