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I Hate You

It starts with the memories. Soft hands, protective arms and a moment so exhilarating it refuses to leave my memory.

Then before I know it my phones in my hand and I'm reading our old messages.

Finally, the tears. The heart break.

"It felt so right"

Them very words twist and change from sweetness into a bitter sour taste.

I feel my stomach turn.

I hate you.

I fucking hate you.

The way you used to make me feel protected, the way you made me smile and laugh and the way you brought out the softest most vulnerable parts of me-it makes me feel sick.

Then everything falls on me like a Boulder.

I hate them too. I hate the way it was so painfully obvious that we was trying to impress me, I hate the way the other one took my first fucking kiss and played me. I hate them aswell.

I fucking hate them.

I hate you all.

Why? Why the fuck would you all do this?

Why me? Why go for me?

Why decide to ruin me?

I don't care if none of you understand how I'm feeling right now-or ever know how I feel. It fucking hurts and I feel like throwing up.

Fuck you all. FUCK

Just leave me alone.

Please just leave my thoughts...just let me live my life without remembering it all.

Without remembering his hand on my thigh. Without remember the way we played thumb wars silently in the middle of the night while holding hands. It makes me fucking sick.

Stop with the memories please.

For fuck sakes.

You all make me sick and I fucking hate you all.

Especially him.

I hate you.