I've been telling myself for years that I wasn't good enough and the minute I'm finally ready to commit the deed...to die...life won't fucking let me.
That's because life hates me.
I left my past life behind me and now I'm being brought back into it...
We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will- Chuck Palahniuk
I blankly stare at the saying in front of me confused by it's meaning. What will I create that would live forever in my legacy for who I am? That's the question of the day.
I sigh and collapse on my bed frustrated by the situation I'm in. Today is currently Saturday and before I went to school in which I acted as if nothing had happened, putting a smile my face like always concealing my inner thoughts. I hung out with Carter and told them about my brothers in which they all pitied me, but not in a bad way to make me feel worthless...in a way in which they new that they feel sorry for me, but understood that I didn't want to talk about it. So we went to this mini golf place on Wednesday, Pizza place on Thursday, and Go Carting on Friday. It helped me get my mind off of things, but now I've been brought back into reality.
Currently I have to go to Derek's house because I have to train to show them what I'm capable of. I'm not in the mood to do that right now, yet here I am standing in front of the mirror wearing my workout gear critiquing everything I could do wrong.
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God I can't do this. I quickly head out of my bedroom and into the kitchen humming soft tunes to myself.
" Where do you think you're going?" James asks entering the kitchen as well.
" I gotta go to Derek's mansion today they said they wanna see what I'm capable of...bullshit," I mutter under my breath.
James heads to the fridge and takes out a beer in which I quickly steal away from him.
" No no no. You're not putting anything damaging in your body," I snap.
He rolls his eyes and takes out yogurt instead and fake smiles at me muttering curses under his breath. I nod in approval.
" I know who they are princesa I was a police officer for fucks sake...I just don't know how I feel with you becoming apart of their gang as well. With the last g...group of people you were with you did some stuff in which I couldn't forgive you for. I just feel as if you're gonna go back into that lifestyle again," James says.
I sigh putting my hand through my hair.
" I know it won't happen again I swear. I was going through some stuff back then you know that. I'm getting better...back then doing the things I did it was like a drug. It just felt so good doing it. I didn't know what I was doing was wrong. That's the fucked up thing about this whole mess from my past. I didn't think I was wrong hurting people that had families...I was just too addicted. He told me it was okay so I believed him," I trailed off ranting.
James heads over and pulls me in a hug.
" What he did to you was wrong and you know that. He loves you...you know? In his sick and twisted mind he really does love you. I'm not saying what he did was right, encouraging you to do what you did but he thought he was making you into his star. You know he fell in love with you...you fell in love with him to princesa. I know you left him, but he's probably still out there watching you so be careful," James says still holding me close to him.
We stay in that position for a while tears begin to threaten to fall, but don't. I won't cry. I should go to hell for what I did. If I do become part of their gang I'm gonna end up seeing people from before. I need to prepare myself for that.
I quickly break away from the embrace, saying bye to James and heading out the door towards the limo creepily parked outside my complex. Like seriously it's just as if it's there to kidnap someone at any given moment. I shudder and open the car door for myself and sit on the comfy leather seats basking in its...comfiness. Is that even a word?
The limo starts to drive off and I look forward towards that mini slide open thing whatever that lets you see the driver and scootch towards it. I open the little latch so the driver can here me.
" Um hi sorry you've been driving me a lot of places lately and I feel kinda bad because I don't know your name and I feel like I should know your name by now so could you just...." I rant.
He cuts me off, " Fredrick ma'am,"
I look taken aback. Did he just call me ma'am? I'm not sure to see that as a compliment or an insult because it could be taken either way. You know I'm not gonna embarrass him soooo. I quickly close the latch and look around going towards the secret stash of candy taking little bites.
The limo comes to a stop and I head out waving goodbye to the limo driver as he drives away. I turn around and go towards the mansion.
SNAP.
I stop in my tracks and stay there, listening around me. Someone's here. Out of the corner of my eye I see someone coming from behind. He soon reaches and grabs me by the shoulder turning me around. Oh helllllll no!
I take his wrist and twist it back making him kneel down on one knee. My elbow collides with his face and I twist him over making my knee jam into his stomach.
" Ow Ow Ow! It's me April Jesus Christ!" Liam shouts.
I let him go to see that it really is Liam.
" Oh my god I'm so sorry I thought that you were..." I trail off.
" How'd you do that?"
I look back to see Derek and them all sitting on their huge porch looking at me questionably.
" I um am kinda self taught..." I mutter.
Elijah raises his eyebrow at me.
" Well for being self taught you're really good. Just witnessing that it didn't even look like you were trying to could probably take on us soon," Elijah says.
I scoff.
" No offense Eli I know I could take you guys on. I wasn't really trying there and to be honest I could kiss your asses before lunch," I say smiling.
" Fine if you think you're so good hot stuff why don't we get things started," Jake says winking.
" By all means go ahead,"
READ AUTHORS NOTE Authors Note~ Heyy guys I just wanted to let you know that April is at times full of herself and sometimes doesn't think before she speaks.
Also I need to know if you guys prefer long chapters (so over 1,200 words) or short chapters (Around 1,000 words or 700)? So I know how long chapters should be.
I was thinking of writing the training of April and her brothers in this chapter, but I thought it would be too long so I want to know what you guys prefer.
The gang related stuff starting from the next chapter onward will finally be brought into the light and be formally there lol I feel like it should've started like that from the start but I had so much to write about.
I'm sorry if you guys have become uninterested in my book because that's completely fine I'm just happy people are actively reading it. I honestly feel as if no one likes my book but I know that's not true and ugh I'm stressing myself out too much.
Do you guys like Jake or Ace more? (I really want to know who you guys prefer)
