I've been telling myself for years that I wasn't good enough and the minute I'm finally ready to commit the deed...to die...life won't fucking let me.
That's because life hates me.
I left my past life behind me and now I'm being brought back into it...
Those are the definitions of being alive and being dead. When death comes upon you or anyone close to you people send their regards...people you don't even know. People who don't give a shit and just want to make themselves out as saints.
Being alive to people is seen as a gift, something you should cherish until you're gone. While some view being alive as a punishment because they feel their life isn't worth the sentimental bullshit.
You can guess how I feel.
The limo comes to a stop and I open the door and run out into the opening doors of the hospital. Derek and them follow behind me, no one saying a word. I run towards the elevator and push the button a thousand times until it opens. We all wedge our ways inside and watch the numbers of the elevator switch every 10 seconds going up to each floor.
Floor 13 is where they are.
Shaky breaths leave my mouth and I continue to rub the necklace around my neck.
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This necklace was my mother's. When you open it there's a picture of my whole family. James, Tyler, Dad, Mom, and I all smiling and laughing with one another towards the camera. I still can't believe they lied to me. My father said to never keep secrets or lie to those who you care about because it'll end up badly.
And look what happened to him.
Don't say that. He's our father.
Not biologically. He's a fake.
Just because someone isn't biologically related to you doesn't make them any less of your family!
Whatever you say bitch.
I clench my fists in anger and the elevator opens. I run out looking in each and every hallway for there room.
Room 387.
I spot the room to find whispers echoing throughout the hall, the door is shut and the window as well to show inside the room covered with blinds.
I run to the door and shake the door handle.
" Open the door!" I yell.
A man opens the door in blue scrubs tattered in blood.
" Miss I'm sorry but you can't..." he begins.
I shove past him and see Tyler laying on the hospital bed, the sheets tainted red. His stomach is opened up with surgical tools on his side. His face is pale and his eyes are rolled in the back of his head. The heart monitor makes that continuous sound. That continuous suffocating sound. The flatline sound. No heart beat.
I run up to Tyler and put my hands on his face.
" No no no. You can't be dead. You can't be fucking dead! You fucking promised me!" I shout.
I continue to weep on his limp shoulder. He was supposed to stay with me. He was supposed to protect me. I was supposed to protect him. He's gone. He's fucking gone and it's all my fault.
" I'm so sorry...we should've never moved here...please don't leave me," I sob.
The flatline continues and my sobs become strangled and my breaths become quicker.
" April calm down," Derek says from behind trying to grab my shoulder.
" Get off of me! Leave me the fuck alone!" I yell.
His footsteps soon leave the room and I lay there my head still on Tyler's shoulder whispering soft words of comfort into his ear.
" Please....please come back to me," I whisper.
Soon nurses come in and clean the sheets begging me to leave to take his body. I refuse each time they come still holding Tyler close to me.
Finally the doctor comes in and that's when I know to leave. I slowly get up and look at Tyler's face. Every single girl loved him. Who wouldn't...he was the best guy you could every ask for. The best brother as well. My lips touch his forehead and I stay in that position for a while. I need to let him go.
The people from the morgue come in and take his body and I lay on the hospital bed watching as they take his limp lifeless body away.
I lay there for a while staring at ceiling in front of me thinking of nothing. My mind is blank. I have no more tears left to shed.
A knock comes from the door. A nurse opens it and walks in.
" Excuse me are you April García...James García's sister?" She asks me.
I nod my head yes and she ushers me to come with her. I oblige and we walk through the lightly dim hallway stopping in front of a room. She opens it and I walk in to see my brother James sitting up on his hospital bed looking out of the window.
" James," I whisper.
His head turns around and I sigh in relief as a smile breaks out across his face.
" Oh my god James you're fucking alive!" I shout.
I run towards him and tackle him in a hug squeezing him so tightly I don't think he can breathe.
" Um April....can't....breathe," he wheezes.
I let go of him and inspect his face. Not pale like Tyler's, but bright and alive.
" How...how are you..." I begin.
" Alive?" he finishes.
I nod my head.
" It's complicated. I had Locked In Syndrome it's where I was alive and conscious, but I couldn't speak or move and my brain waves weren't picking up that I was awake or even alive," James explains.
" So for all that time...you've been awake?" I ask.
He nods his head and I gawk at him in astonishment. That must've been horrible.
" So where's Tyler?" He asks.
I blink back at him in confusion. He doesn't know?
" James um Tyler he...he didn't make it," I choke out in a whisper.
The bright smile on his face drops.
" What?!" He shouts.
He tries to get up, but I push him down telling him to calm down, but he's anything but. He's shouting with tears coming down his face. I would rather not get into detail of what he's saying. It's gruesome.
" April it's not fucking fair," he whispers.
I pull him in a hug where his head his resting on my shoulder.
