Feeling pain

Self Hate

I don't belong here

This place isn't home 

 I don't know how to act

I don't know what to say

I'm so fat I take up too much space

Can't I just die no one would really care

I don't wanna exist in this hell of a world

Everything is cursed including me

I just can't be happy I'm bound to sadness

No reason to stay I just want to escape

Out of place don't fit in

Nothing real just fake always an act

Fake friends fake laughs fake smiles fake happiness

Numbness is all I feel nothing else and its getting scary

Wanting to die every damn day I can no longer live

I'm not even alive just merely living

I'm here in front of your eyes but distant

Look into my eyes tell me what the hell you see

Only pain thats all I feel and it's breaking me

I need to escape yet I don't know how

I'm a victim of my own self hate

I have no purpose to my existence I just wanna die and leave this place 

I'm deep in space lost from the world I try to move forward but can't 

Depression is killing me I'm empty dead inside hurt and so damn weak

I don't want to live no more I can't blink back no more tears 

I can't fake a smile no more 

Don't cry for me don't you dare

How can you cry for someone you don't know

You don't know about the tears I've hidden do you

Or all the nights I don't sleep because of the pain

Or the deadly thoughts that make me fail school

Or the sadness and emptiness I can't help but feel

Or the days I prepared the pill, tied the rope, prepared the injection or tried to drown

Or the times I wrote suicide notes choosing the one that fit the best

You don't know me no matter how much you think you do

Just leave me be let me die and don't you cry

 You don't understand why I don't think you ever will but thats ok

I don't really care you've caused me too much pain for me to care