MY DRUG, HIS CURE

Chapter 21.

Martin's P.o.v.

I watched as her hand froze mid-air, holding her glass of wine. She had moved it to her lips to take a sip, but had stopped upon hearing what I'd said. She slowly put down her drink on the table and fixed her eyes on me. I wanted to disappear. To evaporate into thin air in order to escape the piercing look she was giving me. Her eyes that were usually burning bright and glowing in the sunlight, were now a rusty and cold coppery brown, and were drilling right through me. If this was another situation, I would have been seriously turned on by her deadly nature.

"She's your sister," she stated, rather than asked, her eyes never leaving my face. I almost squirmed under her intense gaze.

Now that, was interesting. I was the one that had people cowering in fear. I was the one that everybody feared. It was my name that people worshipped and bowed down to under its mention. I was the one that made people pee and shit themselves. I have never felt scared or vulnerable before. I've never felt like I had to explain myself to anyone. Like I owed anybody anything. People owed me things. Not the other way around.

But how the tables have turned!

But no. I couldn't cower under her, much less, before her. I needed to be strong. For the both of us. I cleared my throat and spoke, "yes. And I know you have questions..."

"You're telling me that Jessica is your sister? Like you're related?" she asked, cutting me off. My jaw stiffened, as I grew annoyed at her constantly cutting me off.

I nodded stiffly. "Yeah. Well, she's my half-sister. We share a dad, but we each have different mothers. Our father...he was...one vagina wasn't really good enough for him," I joked, trying to lighten the mood, but she barely smiled. She merely cocked her head to one side and hummed in approval, then placed her hands on the table.

She furrowed her eyebrows and seemed to be deep in thought. I studied her face desperate to read her thoughts, but beside her furrowed brows, her face was blank and didn't reveal anything.

She remained like that for two minutes straight and didn't say a word, and neither did I. Her eyes suddenly flew to my face in realization. Her eyes searched mine, silently asking me for answers. Asking me to confirm her suspicions. Asking for me to tell her that she was right. That whatever she was thinking, it was so fucking accurate.

"You..." she began, her eyes fixed on mine. "You lied?" she blinked in shock.

I knew that what I did was wrong, but the way she'd said it...the tone she'd used...it made me feel so guilty. She was shocked. Shocked that I could do such a thing. That I could lie to her about something that was so deep, yet utterly ridiculous and petty. I guess I was that pathetic, huh?

But she was more than just shocked, I could tell. She was disappointed. And hurt. I had hurt her. I knew it. I saw it. Hell, even Jessica saw it and she barely knew her. I saw her walk away from me that night in the restaurant, her face blank and hard, trying to conceal the pain that she felt. But a look in her eyes, before she completely turned away confirmed to me right away. I had hurt her. I had caused her pain.

Why? All because I couldn't handle the depths of the feelings I had for this girl. I couldn't handle that I actually liked this girl. I couldn't handle that she had broken all the walls that I had spent seven years trying to build and reconstruct, in just a span of a minute. I couldn't handle that I had it hot for a student-my student-and wanted to do bad, bad things to her. Things that I was sure weren't stipulated in the syllabus.

Yes, I know. I'm a fucking coward.

All this time she continued to watch me drown in my own thoughts. I tried to think of something-anything that could ease the thick tension that was between us in that very room. Just anything that could let her really know how bad I felt for doing what I did, and how bad I wanted her.

"You lied. To me." She said again, slower and more deliberate this time. Her eyes had hardened and I almost shifted in my seat in panic at the steely look her eyes had turned into.

"I know..." I tried to speak, "it's-I know it was a pretty fucked up thing to do but you have to understand that I was...Alex I was doing it for you. I wanted to keep you safe. I wanted you to be secure. You...you just can't be around me. I'm not...I'm not good for you and..."

"Stop." She snarled. "Do you have any idea how messed up I was? Do you know how you made me feel? I was stuck comparing myself to her. I started stating things that I thought you saw in her that you didn't see in me. I was stuck telling myself that I wasn't good enough...that that's why you left me and decided to embarrass me in front of your girl. I was so hurt. You were flirting with me! You called me sweet names! You made me feel like you trusted me and that it was alright for me to trust you too. I...I was in so much pain. And disappointed, not only in you, but in myself as well, for allowing myself to be tricked by you. But it turns out...you were lying?" she spat the last word out with venom.

I felt my heart tighten in my chest. I was truly a moron for making her go through all that. I

liked the girl. I had feelings for her and the last thing I wanted to do was to cause her pain. If only she knew why I really don't want her near me, then she would understand. Of course I wasn't lying when I said that it was to keep her safe. But she didn't know what I was trying to keep her far from.

Or rather, who.

"Alexa I really am sorry. I know that I acted like a dick and what I did was so messed up. Please forgive me," I said as I got up from my chair. I had tried resisting to go near her, but the pull was just too strong. My legs started moving toward her and I couldn't seem to control them. It was as if they had minds of their own. I quickly closed the gap between us and upon reaching her, I squatted.

"I'm a fucking moron and I deserve to go to hell, but I wouldn't mind it at all, as long as you forgave me." I continued, gazing up at her. Her eyes were mesmerizing. Whenever I stared at them too long, it was like I was hypnotized by their softness and innocence. Every time I looked at them, I was left in some kind of trance, and everything else around me ceased to exist. It was just those eyes.

Those damned bewitching eyes.

I debated whether to touch her or not. I really wanted to touch her. To feel her skin brush against mine. To feel the softness of her hands...her fingers...her cheeks, her whole face...I wanted to trace her soft skin with my finger and have her shake and tremble with ecstasy under my touch.

I wanted to do all those things. If I could just...

The door to my den flew open and Jessica stood at the entrance, a crazy look on her face. She was holding a gun and I immediately knew that something was wrong. Barely seconds later, gunshots could be heard from a distance, but I could tell that whoever was shooting had already gotten inside the mansion.

"Something's happened and we need you up. Now." She snarled, reaching for her back pocket and throwing me a pistol. I caught it midair and instantly turned to face Alexa, who was already on her feet, a steely look on her face.

"Who's here?" she snapped, but I could hear a glint of worry in her voice. I instinctively took her hand in mine and led her outside the den and followed Jessica up the stairs.

"Jessica, take Alexa and get her away from here as fast as you can. I'll meet you in the safe house in the next town." I ordered, handing Alexa's hand to Jessica's. She took it firmly and nodded once at me and I knew Alexa was in safe hands. Alexa tried to protest against leaving me but I didn't hear any of it. It wasn't even up for discussion. She had to leave.

"Go. I'll find you," were the last words I spoke to Alexa, before turning my heel and headed for the crossfire.