Jacob Sartorius Imagines

Ice Cold (sad)

big trigger warning!! ⚠️

if you are sensitive to cutting or suicidal thoughts, i'd strongly advise you to not read this. if you yourself are doing anything in this imagine or similar to it, PLEASE don't be afraid to reach out. there are people willing to help, including myself. talk to a trusted adult, such as a teacher, parent, coach, family member, or call a hotline for help. once again, read at your own risk

The bathroom I'm in is cold and unwelcoming, although it's part of my own home. My bare feet are icy against the ceramic tiles on the floor, and my fingertips are numb and frigid. My entire body shivers, yet I feel sweat dripping down my neck.

I get the familiar feeling of being about to cry: the lump in my throat, the dry mouth, a sting in my eyes. But oddly, no tears fall out. Maybe my body is sick of crying. It gets me nowhere, solves absolutely nothing.

I promised myself I wouldn't do it again. I promised. So why am I sat here, thinking of doing it again? I need to stop, I know that, but for some reason, I can't. I can't bring myself to stop slicing my arms, thinking the worst possible ways that I could hurt myself.

I resist as much as I can, but I watch as my hand directs itself to the drawer that holds my razor blades. My mind is screaming to stop. It's like I'm not making my own decisions anymore, like another presence, a darker and more unkind one, is choosing what my body does.

I lift a fresh blade out of the drawer, watching it in my palm as it catches the light and reflects brightly. I sigh and think of all the things I could be losing if people found out I did this. I could have my friends turn on me, my family would think I need professional help, and even my boyfriend might shun me. I needed to stop, I knew it. Someone at some point would notice the scars on my wrists, it was inevitable. More and more were showing up ever day.

Without another thought, I clutch the blade in my right hand, bringing it to my wrist. I close my eyes as I slide it across my skin. The familiar painful sting begins to become present and I wince.

Opening my eyes again, I see the fresh cut on my wrist. Drops of blood appear so slowly, yet so quickly. It was like time was in slow motion, but it was also flying by so quickly. My head was spinning as I was frozen in place, unsure of what to do. Just one cut, that's all. I thought to myself. Just one cut is all I needed, this is the last time. I'll never do this again.

I think those same lines every time I enter this bathroom and hold a blade in my palm. I always tell myself that I won't do it anymore, that I'll reach out to someone. Yet I never do. Before, I never understood why people chose to do this, and why it was so hard to stop. But now I get it.

I begin to wonder where it all went so wrong. I wonder what brought me to the decision to cut myself, something I promised that I'd never start doing. I wonder when I had the first ever thought of swallowing a handful of pills, ending everything. It was scary to know that this is what my life came to.

While I was still pondering my thoughts, my feet glued to the tile floor, I heard the unmistakable noise of the door opening. I spun around frantically, gasping for air. I stopped in my steps, my feet once again glued to the floor, with goosebumps on my bare arms and feet. There he stood. It was Jacob.

There was a look of utter horror and shock on his gorgeous face as he took in what he saw. I bet I looked a mess. My hair was distraughtly thrown up, my eyes were red and puffy, my skin was pale, and blood slowly dripped onto the ground from my arm.

"Y/n, oh my god," his voice cracked as he rushed forward into the room. He grasped my arm as my whole body went limp. I closed my eyes, unable to bear looking at his face as he looked upon my sliced wrist. I felt like crying again, but was unsure if tears would come out or not. Sure enough, my face tightened as I felt a wetness slide down my left cheek. My whole body burned despite the ice cold temperature of the room.

"Baby, no, no, no," Jacob cried out. I still couldn't bare to look at him. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, "it's gonna be okay." No, Jacob, I'm sorry. I could hear him searching for bandages with one hand still grasping my arm.

He wrapped a cloth around my arm as I struggled to not cry out. I told myself that someone would find out. I wish I could stop, but it's just so damn hard.

Finally opening my eyes, I saw that he was just as distraught as me. Tears poured down his rosy cheeks and his hair looked like he'd pushed it back too much. He pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around my body. I hugged him tightly, crying into his warm sweatshirt.

Jacob whispered sweet things in my ear, but I could barely hear him. I could only make out fragments of what he was saying. "So sorry..... I want to help..... don't be afraid to tell me things...... love you too much...."

I couldn't stop crying. I knew that he was hurt, and that was what killed me the most. I loved him more than anything in the world, and seeing him like this made me absolutely crumble. I made myself another promise just then. I would stop hurting myself, and I would finally reach out for help. I was done pretending that I was okay, I needed to make myself okay again. And Jacob would help me.

this was requested, and i'm sorry that it's very graphic. the moral i guess is that there's always someone willing to help you, don't be afraid to reach out. even my messages are always open to you guys, so don't be scared to contact me❤️

vote and comment for more, my next one won't be so sad, i promise

Q: what songs do you listen to to put you in a good mood?

A: there's so many, shoutout to the person who asked, it's a good question lol. here's like 5:

big spender- kiana ledé feat. prince charlez

done for me- charlie puth feat. kehlaini

sunflower- post malone & swae lee

classic- mkto

that's what i like- bruno mars