Where I Want To Be (2b published)

CHAPTER 3 - Online help

After that bath experience with Adan, naging curious ako about gay sex. I've never thought about it before, and we've only done it twice, but then I realised, bakit laging si Adan lang ang gumagalaw? Natural lang ba yun? 'Di ba dapat yung lalaki ang nagle-lead? Eh, pano kung pareho kayong lalaki? Teka, ibig sabihin ba non hindi ako ang 'lalaki'? I thought of asking Bea about it, but it was too personal, besides, malamang masampal nanaman n'ya ako. So I used the internet.

Putcha. Eye opener! I had more than 10 tabs opened at the same time, I even found videos! Nang una nga, nandiri pa ako sa mga natutunan ko, but then, I thought of Adan and imagined how beautiful it would be. Sa huli, I had all the information I needed – hopefully, but not the guts to actually go through it. I needed to at least talk to someone who have actually done it before.

That someone turned out to be one of Adan's friends. Of course hindi yung manyakis. Mas mukhang matino 'to, maliit lang na tao, madalas syang pumuntang cafe pag weekends, from 4 to 5 pm, at hindi mo iisiping gay s'ya dahil sa kilos n'ya at porma, kahit pa cute ang mukha n'ya.

"San!" I called his attention once, after n'yang lumabas ng cafe. "Pwede ka bang makausap sandali?" tanong ko. "May hihingin lang sana akong favor kung pu-pwede?"

Tinignan ako ni San, mula ulo hanggang paa, then he roled his eyes and sighed.

"Ang boyfriend ni Adan na homophobic." namula ako sa sinabi n'ya. "Ano'ng kailangan mo?" Muntik na kong 'di makapag salita noon. "That was a joke." sabi n'ya ng 'di man lang tumatawa. "I'm on my way to meet someone, kung gusto mo akong makausap, sumama ka sa akin."

Lumipat lang s'ya ng cafe. We sat in a corner, then he faced me with the same emotionless look in his face.

"Ano bang kailangan ng baklang takot sa bading?"

"May... itatanong lang sana ako..." nag-aalangan kong sinabi. "Medyo sensitive at personal, kung okay lang..."

"Gusto mong malaman kung ano'ng ginagawa ng mga bading sa kama?" tanong n'ya.

"HA?!" gulat ko.

"Mali ba?"

"P-pano mo nalaman?!" sinabi kong pabulong habang nag-iinit ang mukha.

"Obvious ka masyado." he snorted "Besides, they always want to learn about 'that' when straight guys talk to gay men." he took a sip from the coffee he ordered and stared back at me. "So, ibig sabihin ba nito, hindi pa kayo nag s-sex ni Adan?"

Lalo akong nag-blush.

"Well, that's a first." ngumiti si San ng masama. "Not even a blowjob?" he looked closer at me, "Oh, so you've gone that far, huh?"

Napatingin ako sa kanya. Can he read minds?! Biglang natawa si San.

"Idiot. I can read everything in your face. Nag research ka naman siguro?" tumango ako. "Hmm? Eh, ba't 'di n'yo pa gawin?"

"Gusto kasi ni Adan hintayin muna pag legal age na ko..."

Natawa nanaman bigla si San, louder this time. Napatingin ang ilang customers sa amin.

"Are we talking about the same Adan Santiago here?!" he asked, and then fell silent. Tila nag-iisip s'ya. A mischievous look passed his face. "Anyway, what do you want to know?"

"N-nabasa ko kasi sa net na sa... ano pinapasok yung... ano..." I mumbled, San looked irritated. He stood from the stool he was seating on and sat on the empty chair beside me.

"Tsk." he clicked his tongue at me. "Akala ko ba, bawal pa?"

"Kung sakali lang naman... kasi, 'di ba... pano kung biglang... alam mo na... I mean, wala akong alam, and Adan is much older... and... probably done it with someone else before..." I paused. "kasi, 'di ba... masakit yun? I read about douching and stuff... pero... parang nakakatakot... pano kung mali ang magawa ko... I mean... ma-tibi ka nga lang ang hapdi na... mag papasok ka pa ng... kung ano..." Tinitigan ako ni San ng matagal.

"Darling, that's what lube is for." Nagulat ako nang bigla syang sumagot, 'di kasi nag-iiba ang itsura ng mukha n'ya, bibig lang n'ya ang gumagalaw. "Plus, sa umpisa lang yan masakit. Magdudugo lang yan nang ilang ulit, at siguro mga isang linggo ka lang 'di makakalakad ng maayos, not to mention the quality of your crap... But after a few months of doing it reguarly, sasarap din ang experience mo, and soon hahanap-hanapin mo na lagi ang titi ni Adan."

I was so embarasssed with his words that I covered my face with both hands. Narinig ko syang tumawa sa tabi ko.

"Ang cute mo naman, little cherry boy. I guess that's why Adan loves you so much." Humigop s'ya uli ng kape. "If you're really that worried, then I'll be glad to teach you."

Napatingin ako kay San. He was looking at me with a seductive look in his face.

"No thanks." I quickly said. "I want Adan to be my first."

"Idiot." sagot n'ya, the expression suddenly gone from his face. "I meant with the preparations." Tumayo s'ya sa mesa. "Follow me."

"Where?"

"I've got an extra douche and some new lube back home." he whispered in my ear, "I'll show you how to use it."