The Story of Steps

Planning and Preparation

Faye:

On the way to plan and prepare for our songs and the performances, we decide on travelling with our tour bus again. Well it's now a more tour bus, almost like a little flat, but technically it's still like back then. We'll be travelling to a hotel near to some studios to practice at for both dancing and singing; the reunion show wanting to film us while doing that.

And while the other girls and Lee already went to sleep I'm still sitting on my place, looking out of the window. H is somewhere else, maybe reading or listening to music. He's way too excited about our performance and during our latest talk he was chatty as usual with talking a lot about how exciting rehearsals will be. As for myself, I'm just lost in my thoughts. About the reunion, all the articles and, of course, about Travis. There was an article in a magazine that talked about him and his plans about new music and I recall what he said about me: I'm stupid, pathetic and talentless. And yes, that's the truth. Of course he speaks the truth.

So that's why I keep staring out of the window, definitely not tired by any means yet. Instead I just cry as silent as possible; crying about what to do if this reunion doesn't work out or if we just argue, crying because of Travis being out of prison and because of Dylan being uninterested in our relationship; and crying because of how rude I was earlier.

Being so lost in these thoughts, I didn't realised that H is in fact next to me now - and it's no lie that I shrug when seeing him. "Oh, sorry." H says, taking a seat in front of me. "I see, you're excited too."

"Somehow, yes." I reply, my focus still somewhere else. It's weird to talk to him like this now, I mean, a while back we weren't even saying 'Hello' to each other - and now, we talk like back in our band days. 

"But there's something else, isn't it?" he asks. "Is it because of me or Claire? You can tell me, you know and- hey, oh crap, don't cry." he says worried as my lip starts trembling and tears are rolling down my cheeks. "Faye, what's the matter? Hey, I'm sorry if I was mean to you previously - I know about your confidence and-"

"It's not that." I burst out, barely whispering my answer. I don't want to have a panic attack in front of H but I can't change it. "It's because- because Travis was released from- from prison."

At these words, H widens his eyes, taking me into his arms quickly as I start sobbing uncontrollably. Well done, I didn't meant to tell him at all and now I'm sobbing to his shoulder. "Oh no, oh Faye." H says worried. "Did you- I mean, did- did you saw him or something? Did he hurt you? Hey, it's all okay, sh, I'm here don't worry."

I shake my head, my body shaking ridiculously while H comforts me with soothing words. "Hey Faye-Faye look, super H is here!" he tries, remembering me of when we once all shared a hotel suite and had been scared because of a nasty thunderstorm. 

I let out a sound between crying and laughing, somehow glad that H puts his arms around me as it's quite a comforting gesture. He rubs my head, waiting until I calmed down slightly, before letting me talk further. "I obviously knew that he'll be released from prison now. There was an article in a magazine too, writing about- about his actions and- and then there were these journalists, they were asking stuff about our relationship while he promotes his music, I'm so confused, I don't know, I feel like I'm freaking out." I sob.

"Hey, calm down, okay? Calm down. Come here, it's fine." he says, taking me even tighter into his arms. He tilts my face towards him so our gazes would meet, still stroking my head in a comforting manner. "Hey, don't cry. It's all okay, you know that? Do you still remember that phrase that you used to say? Would you like to repeat that?"

I shake my head, not bothering about repeating their phrase because of my thoughts racing too much. "H, for real, he's out of prison now. Apparantely moving to America though but- but w-what if- if he- what if he hurts me? Or anyone else?!"