The Truth About Emma Swan - COMPLETED BUT UNDER EDITING

Part 66- 373 Days

373 Days.

8952 Hours.

537120 Minutes.

53 Weeks.

12 Months.

1 Visit Home A Week.

That's how long it's been since Emma was put into a coma. Nothing More, Nothing Less. 

That's how long it's been since she saw me with her own eyes, held me tight with her own arms and not the opposite way around.  It feels like forever, and in my head it really doesn't seem like that much time, that much since she left me. But reading it out loud and putting it onto paper it really seems like forever. It really feels like she's gone now.

As much as I hate to admit that, it's true. The days, the minutes, the hours, the seconds, even the weeks and months make it seem like forever. I know that it's not the time the doctor's thought it would be, but it is. And the thing is, I know that what Doctor Whale says is true. When he pulled me over in that corridor and told me Emma wasn't likely to recover, that was true.

I know I didn't believe it and I know that I shouted at Whale, but it's true. What bloody Whale said is true. The truth hurts and in this instance it kills me. The pain and the realization that this is my fault and Emma's gone, now kills me. It's killing me completely, more and more every day and every second.

The only I can do is keep my promise to Emma and stay strong, know the fact that she will come back. I mean, I've already survived 373 days, so what's a couple more going to do?  It's all to do with hope right now. Hope. It's the most important thing which I have, and although it's died a few million times, it's what's going to keep me going and moving on.

I know that I can't move on, so that's a lie. Right now a lie is the only thing which is continuing to justify my hope running through my veins, no matter how little it is, or how it ever will be. Through the darkest days however and through all the tears there's always a little speck of light.

The good news through all the darkness is the little fraction of light which has crept through the darkness. She's touched my hand. I know what your thinking and it's true. No ones even lifted a finger in regards to it all. No one still believes me and it's bloody ridiculous. A coma patient shows progress and no one even cares, or dares to run any tests. They think it's me. They all think I'm imagining things and it's my way of "coping with this." I'm not even coping, i'm barely hanging on. 

I don't even know how i'm surviving every day, I don't know how I can wake up every morning and go to sleep every night in the same four walls, watching the only thing which keeps me knowing that Emma's even alive, that she's hanging on, just like I am, well how i'm trying too. I don't know how I can hide my feelings from any one, only keep them in the letters I hide and write all my thoughts and emotions into. No one knows how hard it is to hold someone's hand and not for that person to hold it back, that's the greatest pain. 

No one knows about anything and everything that I feel every day, it's all either trapped inside or in the letters which I write to Emma. Not many people have seen me cry in these 373 days, and i'm trying to keep it that way, i'm trying to make sure that no one does, not anymore. People have seen me cry, and yes i'll admit that, but it's not really about the crying, it's how people see me overall.

I used to be that strong, villainous pirate who wouldn't take no for an answer or cry over anything. I never showed my emotions and every day you can now see thousands of them cast over me. No matter how hard I try I can't cover them so in the 373 days, I've given up. What's the point of hiding your feelings when you've got nothing to hide but pure sadness? That's the question I ask myself every god damn day. 

Emma's parents have been really supportive through out this whole thing. They've helped me think positively, as much as I can about all of this. They've came and visited her and the both of us two days a week and sat and talked to me, which is a big help in making me have some reassurance in this all. David's been really fun to have around, indulging in the weekly man to man chat, keeping my laughter alight. He's also pretty good in sneaking rum into the hospital, I've  taught him well. 

Everyone's tried to keep me positive, but like I said there's always going to be darkness and in this case, it's occurring more than the light. There's always going to be bad times, but there's more darkness than ever.

The doctor's say Emma's state isn't getting better, if anything it's getting worse. She's had 2 heart attacks in her coma, each with a really high severity. They've both nearly caused fatality. In one of them, her heart gave up and they thought they lost her. I can just remember how fast it all happened, one moment, one flash and she was nearly gone. One blink and they thought she was gone, they even told me to say goodbye. But I didn't give up, I made them keep fighting for her, screaming at the top of my lungs. And it worked. The heart machine started to beep and she was back. All my pain and shouting worked. She may have been in a coma, but she was back. That was enough for me. 

The doctor's ran some more tests and now they know a lot more about it. They say the coma is all to do with the trauma. It's mainly the head injury which has caused this. They performed a scan on her head and found out that due to the swelling, fluid has pushed up against her skull, damaging the part of her brain which is responsible for awareness. They also found out that her brain injury is an Anoxic Brain Injury, well that's what I have written on my piece of paper, they said it was a brain condition. Most likely caused by the lack of oxygen to the brain. They said that this lack of oxygen is most likely why the heart attack occurred.

After these scans Doctor Whale came and had another long chat with me about the outcome of the situation. Well he talked and I listened. He told me all about how unlikely it was that Emma would get through this and he flourished his lack of hope on me. Of course I disagreed and said she would get through this and I walked away mid conversation. I had nothing to say or even listen to after all of his annoyance.

The town people have been sending in an abundance of cards and flowers, so many now we have a whole table of them across the bottom of the room. I find myself looking at the pile, noticing the fact that it's growing and growing every day. I occasionally sit and read the pile of cards, wishing the fact that Emma was here to see how much she's missed by everyone. 

Henry's been calling me every night now, checking up on his Mum and me, sending his love and asking and asking if he can visit. He's not came since before Emma's operation, and i'm trying to keep it that way. He says that he can handle what Emma is like now, but I don't think he can. I don't want him to see his Mum connected to a heart rate machine, unable to move, unable to eat or breathe by herself. I can hardly take so i'm unsure how and if Henry will be able too. Regina knows it's for the best and she's helping Henry to understand what could become of this situation. She knows as best as me that something could change in under a minute with Emma's condition and that could be it. 

The worst thing through all of this is knowing that Emma may be gone soon, and  I might not even get to say goodbye. But i'm going to grab that lifeline in front of me and hope that Emma does the same.