Hope Out the Window

Uncertainty

mentions of self harm and suicide

"TYLER!"

"Jenna?" I panicked, stumbling out of the bed. "Jenna?" I screamed through the house. There was a muffled cry coming from the kitchen. "Jenna?" Dropped down beside her, quickly noticing the blood pooled around her. "Oh my gosh." I pulled her phone off the counter and called an ambulance. "You'll be okay. We will be okay." I held her, crying.

I shot up out of the bed, I looked to my right to see Jenna sleeping calmly, "Thank God." I whispered to myself and kissed her head. I sat up on the edge of the bed, running my hand through the small amount of hair that I had. I was too worked up to lay back down, I got up and went to the kitchen, getting a bottle of water.

"Failure."

What did I fail at this time, Blurry? I chuckled to myself, sitting in the counter.

"Protecting her. Saving your kid."

I was just with them, everything- it's okay, it was just a dream.

"Are you sure? Are you sure this is a good choice? You aren't going to be a good father. You just pulled yourself together. How can you hold up yourself and two other people?" Blurryface chuckled.

I-I'll be fine. I blinked and I was back in my old room, staring out the window, watching the storm pass over.

"You can't do this anymore. You sad piece of crap. Quite hiding and pretending that everything is okay when it's all falling apart." Blurryface grabbed me by my arm and drug me to the kitchen.

"What are you-" I was cut off by a stabbing pain in my arm, causing a scream to escape my lips. I looked down to see Blurry dragging a knife across my wrist."Why are you doing this?"

"Because you deserve it." He put the knife in my hand and suddenly I was on the edge of a bridge.

"I've been here before."

"Jump. You deserve it. Last time we were here, you chickened out. Jenna and Josh can't save you this time. They don't know you're here."

"No-no-I-"

"Coward. Loser. Failure. You'll never be a good dad."

"Stop it." I covered my ears.

"What? Are you scared to jump? Do it, coward! Jump!"

Hands pressed against my back, causing me to loose my balance. My foot slipped off the siding I started falling. Fear consumed me, but it was fear of it not working, not of dying.
~
I gasped when I opened my eyes. Jenna still sleeping in my arms. My breathing was unsteady and I was freezing, but sweating from the nightmare. I pulled her closer to my chest. "Are you okay?" I heard Jenna speak up, she sounded sad.

"Yeah, love, I'm fine. Just a bad dream."

"You're okay though, now. You're with me. It's okay." She grasped my shaking hand, steadying it. I looked over her and saw that it was five in the morning.

"I know, love." Eventually Jenna's breathing slowed down and her gripped on my hand loosened, she was asleep again.

I couldn't stop thinking about what Blurry had been shoving into my head though, what if he was right? What if I'm not going to be a good father? No, I can't start thinking like that. I have to push away those thoughts.
____

Eventually seven o'clock rolled around and Jenna woke back up, I hadn't fallen back asleep, and she could tell when she rolled over to face me. "Couldn't go back to sleep?"