His Wife

37

I had said my goodbyes to the crew this morning. I gave them all a very tight hug and said a few words I hoped they would remember. I loved them all very much; after all, we had become family.

It was decided that Misha should travel with me to New York. I was very glad. I wanted to be with him until the very last minute. He had cheered up just a little bit since last night and I was very thankful. 

We had both accepted the fact that the right decision would be for me to leave. And although we both knew how much it hurt, we had to do the right thing.

Thankfully, I was able to get some sleep and when we woke up Misha didn't say a single thing. He showed his sorrow and his understanding through his actions. He gently kissed my face a few times and then just held me in a hug.

We spoke very little the entire plane ride, but we did keep our hands laced together for the majority of it. It's such a funny feeling, knowing that you're about to leave the one person that you would die for, the one person that you are so purely in love with and the one person that has shown you what life means and who loves you back just as much, and knowing that you can't do anything about it. 

We were never supposed to fall in love, not even close. The first few months of us together, I knew that he was a charming and attractive man and that I had to be careful around him. But I also knew that he was a very kind and caring man and he would end up being a great friend to me when I was in sorrow.

But now, he wasn't just a friend. He was my love. And the only sorrow I had now was leaving him.

"I understand, Maria." He said suddenly as we were walking through the streets of New York to the one place I dreaded. 

Each step I took reminded me that I had less and less time with Misha and although I had accepted the fact that I had to go, that didn't mean it hurt any less.

"What do you understand?"

"I understand that you have to go. He's your husband and it would be wrong for you to leave him without good reason. Besides," he gently rubbed my belly, "your son deserves to grow up with his father. So I understand and although I hate it so much, I understand."

I squeezed Misha's hand and mumbled, "Thank you."

My hand reached to my neck where a simple gold necklace hung with a tiny heart pendant. Misha had given it to me this morning as a parting gift, and as a way for him to always be with me and remember all the memories we shared together.

I had gotten him a magnet with our picture in it. We were in Moscow at the Subway Station. I think that's when I first realized how much Misha meant to me.

We walked slower, or it just seemed that way. My heart was beating fast because I was so nervous about this next moment. I wanted to go back and jump into his arms and beg him to make me stay. 

But I couldn't. And so we took one step after another and soon... there it was. Vasilev World Inc. Office. We both stopped and stared at it for a moment.

"Maria..." he whispered softly, but I was standing close enough that I heard him.

Our hands were tightly held together, and I didn't even notice exactly how tightly we were both holding on. I carefully turned to him and looked him in his beautiful, beautiful dark eyes. They were watering slightly, and I felt a few tears fall from my own eyes.

"Misha." I smiled at him. I couldn't cry and I was happy that at least I got to meet him and love him and be his for a short little while.

"My beautiful, wonderful love." He said, tucking away a lock of my golden hair behind my ear and then he pulled me to him and held my face in his hands. 

I stared back at him. God, I wanted to kiss him at least one more time but that would be so wrong. I couldn't kiss him! 

Would I regret that I kissed him, or would I regret that I didn't kiss him? 

"I love you," I whispered to him and he smiled. 

He brought my face closer to his and then pressed a kiss to the corner of my lips, softly and gently, but so earnestly, too. "I am the luckiest man alive that I even got to have you for a few short months, and that I got to be loved by you. Maria, I love you so damn much."

I laughed and he just kissed me again. 

Then he let go of me and crouched down to talk to my baby boy. Over the last few months, I would almost consider Misha like the dad to him, and I would be happy if he ever called the baby his, which he would constantly do.

"Hey, there little guy. It's been such a great time getting to know you and watching you grow. You've been a wonderful little baby to your momma and me. You have to know that I am going to miss you so much. And I am terribly upset that I won't be able to see you grow up, but I trust that you'll be a real gentleman. Don't forget to love life and have fun with it as well, and be sure to remember me. I love you buddy, and I am going to miss you so much."

He kissed my belly and then stood up to place his hands on my neck. 

"This is it, Maria. You have to decide now what you will do, and where you'll go." Misha said and as he said that, I think I actually heard my heart rip apart.

I glanced down at my feet. Nope, I couldn't choose Misha. Although my heart screamed at me that I have to go to him, I knew that the right decision was to go back.

Misha nodded slowly and then quietly mumbled, his voice breaking, "Maria, I am going to miss you both so damn much. So damn much."

I bit my lips and closed my eyes, letting a few silent tears drop.

"Misha," I said, opening my eyes, "I miss you too. I love you more than you could ever know, and I promise you I never will stop loving you."

He took a deep breath and pressed one firm kiss to my lips for a short second. I was surprised that he kissed me, but without hesitation, I kissed him right back. 

He pulled away and with a sorrowful smile said, "That's enough for me."

I turned to face the looming building. With a deep breath and a nearly torn out heart, I took a step towards the building and away from Misha.

It took everything in me. Every single cell in my body to stop me from turning around and running back to him. I wanted to cry and yell to go back to him. I loved him, I loved him so much it hurt.

Yet I couldn't and my feet, those awful traitors, took me right to the doors of the building. Taking another deep and extremely painful breath, and opened the doors. 

"God, please, get me through this. I know I had to leave Misha, but it's killing me. Help me, and please never let me forget how much I love him." I whispered as I took a step inside and the doors shut behind me.

~THE END~