She's Not Lily (Harry Potter/ Severus Snape fan fic)

Ch.14 Not How I Planned

(Severus's POV)

It hurt, seeing her hurt. I saw her break right before me when I told her to leave. That hurt worse than seeing my Lily lying dead on the floor. I caused Lily pain; it was all my fault. Potter hasn't seemed to notice the pain Lily's in. I notice how Lily takes extra precautions not to see or talk to me in that matter. Besides know-it-all, Granger, the only competent person in the class, is now the quietest. She won't even look at me in class; it makes me wonder if she can feel me staring at her. I can't take not talking to her; not having her near me is killing me slowly.

Scuffed feet could be heard in my room while I paced back and forth. My brain was rattling with the idea of apologizing for my rude behavior, yet nothing seemed to be good enough. Sometimes, I think she should apologize, but I pushed her away. The faint smell of her perfume lingered on the bed. I look at the stand and see that tiny black velvet box. It felt like it was taunting, telling me how much of a screw-up I am, how I let another Lily out of my life.

I go to the window to see snow fall lightly on the ground. This is not how I planned for her night back in my arms. A slight knock on my door made me groan. The dark wooden door creaked open to show a white beard and a ridiculous hat. Albus walked into the room, admiring everything on the wall while rubbing his long white beard.

"What do I owe the pleasure?" I say more than question in a harsh voice.

"You and Miss Duchannes are not as close as you were before the holidays." He tells me while sitting down on one of my stools.

He looked up at me in his half-moon spectacles and had a soft smile on his face. I glared slightly before I made my way over to the steamed window. Who does this old man think he is? Our relationship has ended; shouldn't he be happy that I am not with my student anymore? I soon started to draw an L on the foggy window without thinking about what would come afterward.

"Severus, she doesn't hate you. Have you tried to fix it?"

"You should know if I have. You seem to know everything that goes on in this godforsaken castle!" I spat out venomously.

I push my greasy black hair back, only to fall back to where it was before. Albus did not look shocked at my outburst but only concerned. I sat on my chair and put my head in sweaty palms. A hand was placed on my back for comfort. I heard footsteps walk towards the door; then the door creaked open. Before Albus left, he told me,

"You know what to do."

Do I? Everything is going to hell, and I should let the relationship between Lily and me go with it. But something is stopping me in the back of my brain, telling me to fight to keep her in my life. I make my way over to my notepad and pick up my quill. Writing is the only thing I can process to write

My dearest Lily,

There is much to be said, much to be said in one letter. Meet me in my office at ten p.m. It would give me hope if you show up.

~always

Severus.

I put it in a coffee-stained envelope and signed her name on top. I sent my owl to give the letter to her and only to her. The black velvet box was now in my hand, and I knew what to do. I am going to ask Lily Duchannes to be mine. I am going to ask Lily Duchannes to become Lily Snape.