She's Not Lily (Harry Potter/ Severus Snape fan fic)

Ch.21 Lies

My mother once told me never to lie to the person I love. It's not worth it, and they don't deserve it. So why did I tell Severus I couldn't be with him? I no longer love him. The pain and hope in his dark eyes soon turned into anger, pure hatred. I could not stand to look at him, so I looked at my hand as if it were the most fascinating thing I had ever seen in my sixteen years. The chair Severus was sitting in soon made a screeching sound, and I heard footsteps moving away from my bed. I held out a breath out of fear that he wouldn't just let it be. A cold hand grabbed my arm, and my heart started beating hard against my chest. I looked up and noticed Sev looking at me with anger and sadness.

"Big or small, Lily, lies are still lies. You know you love me as much as I love you." Severus told me while taking my small shaking hand in his.

I could not help but snort when he told me he loves me; of course, we both know the truth about who he loves. He looked at me with an unreadable expression while I stared at him sternly. I am pretty sure if looks could kill, he would be lying on the floor dead without a second glance.

"Love me? I am pretty sure we both know who loves Professor Snape. You only have an infatuation with me because I look like Lily Evans; if I did not look the way I did, you would not have given me a second glance." I spat at him with hatred clear in my voice.

His eyes changed with more pain than anger when I mentioned his precious Lily, but he quickly changed it with anger and hatred. He stood up quickly and walked away a second time, hopefully the last. But of course, as my luck would have it, he turned around and promptly walked back towards my bed. I was so shocked that I could barely react when he pulled me out of the bed and threw me over his shoulder. Severus made his way out of the infirmary without causing loud sounds to wake Madam Pomfrey. My body was still in pain from the cruciatus curse I kindly received from Lord Voldemort himself; I hope you can detect my sarcasm.

"Where are you taking me, Professor?" I ask in a bored tone while he travels to an unknown destination.

He kept quiet and made his way through hallways and down some stairs. The corridors of Hogwarts at night are dark and scary. The only light we have is from Severus's wand, which I can barely see because I am facing his backside. I started to get bored while he walked to who knows where, so an idea popped into my head. The only hope I have in Severus bringing me back to the infirmary is my following action, and I hope it works.

"I'm Henry The Eighth, I am! Henry The Eighth I am, I am!" I sang loudly and very poorly if I might add.

Severus tried to get me to quit singing, but being my stubborn person, I continued with the song. His pace quickened, which made me hit my head on his hard shoulder. I quickly stopped singing to rub my head, trying to smooth out the pain he had caused me, but I guess I could say it was my fault. We finally got to a big wooden door, which Severus quickly shut after we entered the room. Severus finally sat me on the floor and moved a safe distance away. Smart man.

The grey room seemed empty until I noticed a big mirror standing in the middle. Severus strolled over to the mirror with a pained look on his face. I couldn't help but ask myself why he brought me to an empty room with a mirror smack dab in the center. A lonely tear drop fell from his face while Sev looked in the mirror with a pained expression. I couldn't help but feel like I needed to comfort him. Is he not comfortable with his appearance? Is this the reason why he has brought me here?

I slowly stood up with wobbly legs. I couldn't help but chuckle lightly because I could imagine that I probably looked like a baby deer walking for the first time. Every step I took was a shot of pain going through my body, but I ignored the pain and stood in front of the mirror. It was big and gold. I could see an inscription carved around the top that read 'Erised stra thru out ube carry out on whose.' I finally looked at the mirror itself, bracing myself on how my appearance could probably look, but when I finally looked, I was shocked at what I saw.

Severus was in a dress robe, and his arm was on my waist, and in his other hand was a glass that looked like champagne. I was in a beautiful white dress and not trying to sound conceited, but I looked breathtaking. My eyes quickly darted to Severus to see if something had changed. He was still wearing his black robes and looking at me with puffy red eyes. He must have noticed the confusion in my face because he started to explain this creepy mirror.

"It's called the mirror of erased; it shows the user his or her heart's deepest desire." He tells me while looking back to the mirror with pain written in his eyes.

"What do you see, Professor?" I question while looking back at the mirror.

"You." He tells me as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

My heart fluttered with happiness, and then the obvious smacked me in the face. He doesn't see me; I am not his heart's deepest desire; I happen to look like her. He came here before, obviously, so I know who he is, and it is her, not me. But then again, it could be me; we look alike, and it could have changed, and no one would notice. Wait, who am I kidding? It's not me.

"And you, Lily, what do you see?" He tells me with hope in his puffy black eyes.

Something in the back of my mind is telling me to tell him the truth that I see us, but I can't bear falling hard in love with him again and then remember that it was Lily Evans who had stolen his heart. I look up at him, and my heart shatters as I see the hope I am about to destroy, and I quickly look away.

"I see Harry and I. It seems like it's my wedding day, and he has his arm around my waist-" I begin to say before Severus yells out in frustration.

The hope he had just moments ago has vanished with pain once again. He looks at me like Ron when he ruins his potions. I look away from him and at the dull grey stone walls, but I don't mind; anything else besides looking at him breaks right in front of me.

"There are two people in this world who can't look you in the eyes, Lily: someone trying to hide a lie and someone trying to hide a love," Severus tells me while grabbing my chin to make me look him in the eyes. "The crazy thing is that you're both."

"Stop trying to give yourself hope that I love you, Professor; it's not good for your health," I tell him with a smirk playing on my lips.

Of course, he knew I was lying again because I could not look him in the eyes. He lets go of my face and steps back in shock. I turned around and went to the door until I looked back and noticed the tears on his face. I tried to force the thought of returning to comfort him as I returned to the door.

"What happened to the Lily I first met?" Severus questions while making me turn to look at him with a shocked expression. "You have changed."

"Well, that's what people do; they change," I tell him sternly. "Maybe it was almost dying from Voldemort, or maybe it was you, Severus; maybe it was because you broke me; everything about me is broken because of you. I have no idea why it was called heartbreak because it felt like every other part of my body was breaking, too."

I looked at Severus and noticed him looking at me with a shocked face. His rough hand pushed its way through his black, greasy hair. I couldn't bear to look at him anymore, so I moved to open the big wooden doors.

"What can I do to make you stay?" Severus questions before I make a painful step out the door.

"Nothing, you broke my heart, but the strange thing is that I still love you with all the pieces," I tell him with a soft face and tears slowly flowing down my face. "They say if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be."

I look at him one last time before slowly making my way out the door. Making my way back to the infirmary was more complicated than I thought. If it wasn't for the darkness, it was the pain I felt from walking. My mind was running wild with thoughts of Severus that I kept pushing back repeatedly. I soon heard footsteps approaching me, and I turned around so quickly it felt like a whip-lash. The light of a wand soon appeared and then showed the face of the man I had left just minutes ago.

"So I'll wait. Always."