She's Not Lily (Harry Potter/ Severus Snape fan fic)

Ch. 15 Yes or No?

(Lily'sPOV)

No sound was made while I made my way to Severus's office. Could I possibly forgive him for his actions? The way he looked at me that night still haunted my dreams, or should I say nightmares. Whatever happens, I will always love Severus; he was my first love. The kind of love that clings to your heart forever, no matter how much pain it caused or how many tears have fallen; first love will never leave my soul. I would love to stop loving him, but it's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does.

I came to the door I ran out of less than a week ago. Every memory from that night flashed through my head. I blinked away the tears before I knocked on the door. His monotone voice spoke from the other side, letting me know I could enter. The door slowly opened as I entered the room. Everything was a mess: papers scattered on the floor, broken quills laid randomly around the office. Severus was pacing back and forth by his desk, muttering unheard words. I cleared my throat while fiddling with my fingers; he stopped pacing and looked directly into my eyes.

A wet tear slid down my cheek when I saw those black eyes I had come to love. He slowly walked over to me, and as he got closer, I could see how much of a wreck he looked. His eyes looked red and puffy from crying, and his hair was not its sleek, greasy self. His cold hand touched my cheek, wiping the lonely teardrop off my cheek. I looked up in his eyes while he looked down in my eyes before we shared a kiss. The fireworks feeling came through me as we kissed, yet there was something else, like something was telling me that it was not me he wanted to kiss. It was Miss Perfect Lily Potter.

"Severus, I-" I start to say as I push him back before he rudely interrupts me.

"No, don't say a word; let me talk first, okay?" He questions me while holding my hands together in his.

I nod slightly yes, waiting for him to go on.

"I am truly sorry for what I said that night. I was completely awful to you. Those three days of not talking to you were truly hell. It hurt that you wouldn't even look at me, but I don't blame you. I was a monster and overreacted. I don't know if you know this, but I was in love once. She had no idea, but I loved her so much that I lost her, but sometimes you need a second chance because you weren't ready for your first." He pulled out a black velvet box, and I couldn't help but gasp.

He got down on his knees and opened the box to reveal a beautiful ring. It was a silver ring with small white diamonds and a big green diamond in the middle. This can't be happening.

"When I saw you, it was like I saw an angel. When I got closer, my heart pounded more and more, and I knew I would be in love with you for the rest of my life. Just a touch of your skin, and my whole world changed. Now, all I want is to be by your side. Will you marry me?"

I looked at the ground the whole time he spoke, but when he popped the question, I couldn't help but look up at him. Everything about this man is perfect in my eyes. I may love him forever, but could I be with him forever? He spoke of Lily for the first time in our relationship and still had a pained look in his eyes. Is it even possible that he is still in love with her after all this time?

I must finally break off my relationship with Harry if I say yes. If I say yes, I would be Mrs.Lily Snape, but is that someone I want to be? So what should I do? Should I say yes or no?

"When I first met you, I never realized how much you would end up meaning to me. I don't know if you know this, but you're the first person I truly loved. I'm sorry, but I can't Marry you. I love you so much it hurts, but I can't be with you any longer. I know it will be hard for you to move on; bloody hell, it's going to be hard for me; how can I move on when your fingerprints are still on my heart, your voice still resonates down to my toes, and your smile lives in my eyes, and every time my mind wonders it goes to you." I finish with a breathless voice.

Severus finally got up from his knee and looked at me as if I had gone mad. I see teardrops go down his face, and then I turn to look at anything in the room beside him. The window was steamy with a faint L traced on it—the desk where we shared our first kiss. Everything in this room will break me no matter what I look at. 

"Why do you say you love me if you are only going to leave me?" He asks in his harsh voice.

"Why do you say you love me if you know you only love Lily Potter?" I ask him, trying to match the harshness in his voice to mine.

The question helped me realize I was right. It was Lily Potter all along that he was in love with, not me. His eyes turned hard, and he looked more furious tonight than four nights ago. That look said it all; that look made it feel like a dagger was plunged through my heart.

"Get out of my office, you filthy mudblood." He spat out venomously.

Tears covered my vision, which I was glad for. I didn't want to see the harsh look plastered on his face.

"Push me out of your life like you did her?" I scream while I push him in the chest. "You are dead to me."

I ran out of the room just like I did four nights ago. Tears streaming down my face like a rushing waterfall. I want to think it doesn't hurt, knowing he was in love with Lily Potter and not me. He only gave me love because I was an exact replica of Lily Potter. The truth is that it hurts because it's real. It hurts because it matters.

As I lay back in my bed, I can't help but think that one day, I will wake up and notice that you should've tried. That he was worth the fight.