Imagination || L.H.

Chapter 13

When we finally leave the cafe, I feel a faint sense of relief wash over me. The setting of Oliver's surrounding us the way it has for years... 

Having somewhere I've been a thousand times be the place where I finally have to come to grips with my feelings is a bit surreal. I always imagined it would be somewhere new, with someone I was just starting to get to know. Not the little cafe I've been visiting since I could stomach something other than mushy baby food out of little glass jars with one of my best friends that I've been close with for years.

Luke pushes open the door, twisting around to hold it open for me. I smile at him, falling into step with him as we head towards the end of the pier. 

Every time we all go to Oliver's, we walk to the end of the pier and stay for awhile before leaving, enjoying the placid stillness that it offers. 

Michael is usually the one to complain about when it's been too long, Calum never very far behind. Ashton can stand it for a little longer, and as for me and Luke... 

Well, we could spend all day at the end of the pier. It's comforting to be doing something so normal. It makes it easier to pretend like none of this is really happening.

I lean forward on the worn wooden railing, enjoying the cool breeze. Luke rests his elbows on the wood, coming to a stop just a little closer to me than necessary. If either of us moved our arms, they would brush. 

I swallow, looking down as I try to gather my scattered thoughts. No no no. Maybe I could have pretended otherwise before, but today... 

As much as I want to deny it, I feel something for Luke Hemmings. Something more than the friendship that we've always had.

"You..." I start slowly, wondering exactly how far he'll let me push him until he finally breaks. "You haven't spoken to your family since... since then, have you?" 

I sneak a sidelong glance at him out of the corner of my eye, glimpsing the flash of pain that flickers on his face. The sight threatening to undo me, I lay a gentle hand on his arm, surprised when he doesn't shake me off.

"No," he chokes out, gaze fixed stubbornly on the horizon. "No, I haven't."

"Can... Can I ask why you do it?" Giving up on the pretense that I'm not looking at him, I turn to face him head on.

His shoulders sag in defeat and he hangs his head in embarrassment. "I... It's stupid." 

Luke breaks off, shaking his head from side to side. Unshed tears shine in his blue eyes that match the ocean beneath us.

I nudge his shoulder with my own softly. "You can tell me. I won't judge."

He becomes quiet, the silence stretching out between us.

"Here, I'll tell you something personal about me," I offer, removing my hand from his arm. My skin immediately becomes cold without his heat. 

"Two summers ago, my boyfriend Blake and I broke up. We had been dating for two years and everyone was shocked to learn that we were no longer together. What would have surprised them more was the reason why." 

Taking a deep breath to steady myself, I rehash the worst day of my life for Luke, trying to pretend like it's no big deal. In reality, only three people know what went really went down; my parents and Calum. 

"I was going over to his place the day before his birthday to surprise him since he was heading up to Santa Maria for the weekend to visit family," I explain in a quiet voice. "His mom answered the door, smiled at me, and told me that he was upstairs in his room." 

Closing my eyes, memories dance across the backs of my eyelids, taunting me. 

"I caught my boyfriend cheating on me that day with none other than my best friend at the time, Piper. The boy I loved with all of my heart kissing my best friend, the girl I trusted with everything I had. I lost both of them that day. If I didn't have you and Calum and Michael and Ashton to fall back on, I would never have survived it." 

My voice is quiet as I continue. "Sometimes, Luke, you have to rely on others, no matter how much you don't want to. No matter how scared you are of someone hurting you ever again."

I open my eyes to find Luke gazing at me with an expression full of so much heartbreak that I nearly break down. But I square my shoulders and bear the old pain, display it like a battle scar.

"Is-is that why you haven't been with anyone since?" he asks hesitantly, tripping over his words. "Why you never seem to look at anyone with that sort of affection?"

I nod. "I've sworn off love because it's all a scam. What's the point of being bound to someone, of telling them everything, when they're just going to throw it away for someone else's affections?" It's as painfully honest as anything I've ever said.

"My girlfriend was cheating on me too," Luke blurts out suddenly. 

I glance up at him in surprise. I wasn't actually expecting him to share his story after I told him mine. 

"She was cheating on me with my brother and I didn't break up with her for three months after finding out. I kissed her when I knew that someone else was kissing her when I wasn't. I held her when I knew that someone else was holding her when I was away. I loved her when I knew that her heart belonged to someone else. That's when I started drinking to forget what I had discovered and to wash away my feelings. I didn't want it to be my reality so I lived in another one through alcohol." 

He exhales shakily, gripping the edge of the wooden railing so tightly that his knuckles turn white. 

"When I was doing that more often than not, when I started slipping down a dark path, she finally had the excuse she needed to break up with me. When she gave it a few weeks and then started dating the guy she actually loved, the drinking got worse. I couldn't stop." 

His chest heaves with the heavy breaths he takes to keep himself in check. "They got engaged recently and it hurt way more than I thought it would. And... and I found myself reaching for another drink."

He locks eyes with me suddenly, the torn look in his tearing at my heart. "I want to stop, I really do, but I just... I just can't. How else am I supposed to deal with it? Ben can't make it to the wedding, so I'm automatically the best man. How am I expected to stand there and be happy for my brother while he marries the girl I was in love with? To be the fucking best man?"

"Was in love with?" I repeat softly, unable to get that single sentence out of my head. 

I know it shouldn't give me a sense of relief. I know I shouldn't have told him what really happened with Blake and been so damn intimate with him. I know I shouldn't be doing any of this but I can't stop myself from wanting to.

Luke shifts his weight nervously. "I..." His eyes flicker all over my face, drinking in every minuscule detail. I let him, being completely transparent with him for once. 

"Kat," he says in a whisper. 

The next thing I know, his hands are tangled in my hair and mine are locked around his neck, his lips on mine. I don't care if people are staring, I don't care about whether he might break my heart or not. 

It doesn't matter anymore. It already belongs to him.