Save me? // 5sos

0.8

❌❌WARNING!!! TRIGGERING CONTENT❌❌

Please don't read if you don't feel comfortable with reading about self-harm. I don't want to hurt you ilysm xx

have a picture of something that describes me everyday when saying bye to my crush :/

~Jade~

Saturday

11:00pm

I gather my thoughts and walk to the bathroom.

All these thoughts are swirling around my head. All about a certain two boys.

I look in the mirror and disgust fills me.

I see a girl whose hair looks like a raccoon has just looked for its food in it. Hair strands everywhere. Her face is pale and lifeless. Her eyes are glaring at her own body, as it it is a piece of trash. Her body is a piece of trash. The dirt and grime that is framing the mirror is more beautiful than she will ever be, better than she will ever be. She's fooled everyone, she's slapped a smile onto her face and told everyone that she is okay. There is nothing 'pretty' about her. The only thing she can say about herself with 'pretty' in the sentence is. "I'm pretty ugly" and she knows it's painfully true.

When she looks into her eyes, there's nothing special there, no glimmer, no shine, no sparkle. Just two plain, dull eyes. Her skin tone make her look disgusting and out of place. Her fat thighs hold a lot of cellulite and could probably created a fire when they rub together. Her calves are covered in diagonal cuts. Her long fingers and bitten nails are gross. Nothing is girly about bitten nails. Bruises and scratches have taken their spot on her skin.

The voices she speaks aloud make her look insane. She is insane. Demons have taken over her head and she is too pathetic to try and even control them. She can go cut her skin for all I care. She doesn't know any better.

She looks at her body and laughs because she's a freak, she has marks on her skin that she made herself. She thinks that the marks shows she's a fighter. She KNOWS that the marks are there because she is weak. She is battling a fight that she can't win. She knows she can't. She can go slice open the ugly scars that are there. No one will care.

Something inside me snaps.

This girl.... Is me.

It's all true. The scum outlining the mirror is prettier than I will ever be.

My face is chubby, not in a cute way.

In a disgusting way.

I don't even notice that tears are streaming down my face because I'm too stupid to even know any better.

"Where are they?!" I whisper yell to myself.

I search around even harder, my hands are shaking, making it impossible for me to grab anything.

Then I remember.

Flashback**

"This is a whole new step for you Jade, I'm so proud of you" Jaydn says to me, using one arm to wrap around my shoulders.

We watch as the toilet bowl drowns my blades, making me cringe at the amount of times I've used those things every night. Relief floods through me as the toilet silences and the blades are no where to be seen.

"I'm so proud of you"

End Flashback**

No! Fuck! I fall to the floor.

You better find something quickly now dear,

SHUTUP!

How about you use that pretty shaver over there,