Save me? // 5sos

2.0

Yay!! Chapter 20! Just for you guys, I'm going to make this chapter extra long for my lovely readers! Please don't be a ghost reader, remember to vote and comment!!

Enjoy!!

-Calum-

Wow. I feel like absolute shit right now. I cried myself to sleep last night, and I'll probably do the same tonight as well.

I honestly had legitement feelings for Jade, but I just had to protect her. Jessi was threatening to tell everyone that she selfharms, and I can't do that to Jade. I honestly don't know what to do to make Jade forgive me. I don't know how, but Jade made me realise some stuff.

Not everyone is a happy bubble of joy, not everyone is born with amazing parents. She just got dealt some shit cards in her life. I thought that I could make Jade happier, make her see that the world isn't so grim and dull. I could've taken her out to amazing places, seen some beautiful things with her.

But I had to fuck it up like always.

I'm such a fucking mess. She was on the brink of becoming suicidal and we all came in and saved her. We all made her happier. And now, I'm not sure what she feels now. She could destroy every inch of her body with cuts, scrapes, burns and bruises. She could destroy the beautiful skin she has left to this day. I knew she felt the same because I asked Michael about it.

I asked him if I should ask her out, and I was going to. Today in the cafeteria, I was going to ask her to go on a date with me by making the letters out of spaghetti strings. I was going to pass her the plate with the words made out of spaghetti "Go on a date with me?" I would've made her happy.

I had everything planned.

I get up off of my bed for the first time in 6 hours, and I look in the mirror. I jump back, shocked.

"Who is that?" I mumble to myself. I touch my face and the reflection does the same. But the boy in the mirror does not look like me. My eyes that used to be a bright, bold brown, are now dark and almost black. My hair that's usually swept to the side, is now sticking up in all different directions. Eye bags hang low on my faces and my lips are dry and crackled. What was the whites of my eyes, are now bloodshot red from crying.

I never intended to hurt Jade, because hurting her, would be like hurting a large amount of me.

The day I met Jade, I thought she would be one of those typical girls. When Jaydn described her to me I thought she would be so beautiful, not because of the way he described her looks, but the way he described her personality. Her looks would've meant nothing if she was a complete bitch. But she isn't.

He described her as the most amazing person and I remember I couldn't stop asking more and more questions about her. I wanted to know everything about her because, well, she intrigued me. When I met her in person, I was blown away by how she looked and acted.

I remember I was so scared to just hug her. She seemed shy when I first met her but then her personality came out and I was amazed. She was interesting and treated me like no one else. I guess that's what made me keep coming back for her.

Over those times I spent with her, I managed to spot all these little quirks and small things she would do. I remember how she would play with her fringe when she's bored. How she would imagine to play piano in a desk top or bench while cooking. How she would do her hair in an amazing way without looking. How she would stare into my eyes while I was talking to her.

I never knew my legitiment feelings towards her until now.

The things I would do, just for her to be my girlfriend. Just for her to forgive me.