➳ Heartbroken | Shawn Mendes | Book 2 [Completed]

Ch. 40 ↝ "Goodbye."

10 years later

Shawn's Point of View

"Many find it incredible that you rose to fame when you were just 16 and started selling out arenas at 18– now you're 35 and still hitting the top of the charts with your singles. Do you ever reflect on your music career?"

I was sitting in front of an interviewer from Billboard Magazine, my latest album had just released and while on my third tour some interviews were on my schedule.

"Definitely– all the time, actually. It's crazy how I started learning how to play guitar to post six second videos for people on a screen and now I'm performing in front of thousands and thousands of people every week."

"Besides your music career and your tour life that you seem to always post on social media, we wanted to ask you about your romantic life."

"It's not much really–" I laughed, "I haven't been in a serious relationship for years now."

"Your songs always have meaningful lyrics about an significant other– someone from your past, perhaps?"

There wasn't any specific reason to not answer this, "most of the inspiration comes from my past relationships in high school."

"A specific person?"

"My ex-girlfriend," I answered truthfully, "we don't keep in touch, but I think about us sometimes."

My answers satisfied his questions because then we started talking about my fans, after a few rounds of questions the interview ended and I started to drive myself back to my hotel.

It's been 17 years since the last time I've talked to Corie. The first 7 years weren't awkward, we were still building our lives and adventuring the world. But as more time passed, we became different people with different ideals– I heard Corie was going to marry Luke. Last night I checked her Instagram page and saw her ring posted, along with Luke smiling in the back.

Corie sent me a message on Instagram after that happened, she was trying to contact me and wrote a paragraph about missing me and wanting to catch up. For some reason, I didn't want to answer. I feel resent towards her for moving on with someone new when I haven't found anyone for myself yet.

I'm almost 40-years-old and there hasn't been "the one" for me. There were some girls that I tried to be serious with, it never worked out for me in the end. When I saw Corie and Luke, I realized that there is a point in life where the short term stuff needs to end and you need to prepare yourself for the years ahead. If not, there was a lonely road for you to walk in. I was walking in it.

Anika got engaged to some guy she met while she was working, I couldn't see Aerity anymore. Occasionally I facetime her and still send her birthday gifts, but Anika told me that it puts her relationship in an awkward position if I continued to stop by.

After being cut off from my only hope for something long term, I started my habit of drinking again. This time it was getting worse since it was more accessible to me. There was almost never a day when I wasn't tipsy– even in that interview, I had five cans of beer before leaving my hotel room.

The adrenaline and hope of being a celebrity only did so much– I love my fans, I love making music and playing my guitar endless until I could produce a song, but I'm so alone.

It's time for me to finally meet somebody new
Take her to all the places that I took us to
And she might help me forget, but loving her is something I could never do
Because I had you

I'm so alone all the time– my thoughts were killing me and drowning me. There are times that I even worry about my mental state because of how much time I have to think.