Secret Love (Rye Beaumont FF)

Chapter 18

Megan's pov:

My bed seems so empty without him next to me.
Everytime I turn around I don't see anyone and every time I don't find anyone I stare at the wall blankly.
There's an empty space in my heart, too since I broke up with him but it was the right thing to do.
I didn't want to see it at first but after Andy found out about us everything cleared out.
These two days, though, have been so different. All I did was go to work, get back home and think about him.
I always think about him and nothing can replace him.
I miss him so much.
I don't want to do anything without him, I don't want to go out, I don't want to cook.
But I can't go back to him, after two days. It's not respectful to myself and to Jessica.
I have to be strong, specially when I'll go to his house, in an hour, to give him his things.
He left so many t-shirts, here, also a pair of sunglasses and a couple of books that I borrowed.
I put everything in a bag so that I won't forget anything.
After another five minutes overtginking about rye I decided that it would be better if I started getting ready. So, I got up, had a shower and got dressed. I didn't wear any make up and let my hair down. I really can't be bothered to do make-up or hair.
I threw on a simple Grey dress and put on my shoes before leaving.
I got in my car and drove to rye's house.
As I got to the front door I took a deep breath and rang the bell.
After a minute, and a lot of noises of steps, the door opened.
Rye appeared.

Rye:" hi."

He scratched the back if his neck as I looked into his eyes.
His deep brown eyes.
Those eyes where I used to get lost in.
He looked tired.
Under his eyes there big dark circles, though he looked handsome as always.
His brown hair was messier than ususla but I like it like that.

Megan:" hi."

I answered and looking in his yes, I couldn't help it but feel hurt, about how much I miss him and about how much he hurt me.
Though, in his eyes I could read... empathy, almost pity.
His gaze became almost unbearable so I interrupted our staring contest and handed him the paper bag full of his stuff.
As he took it I turned around but his voice stopped me.

Rye:" you don't even want to come in? I mean you drove for so long.cime in and sit down."

He spoke nearly embarrassed.
I hesitated but when I saw his eyes pleading me to stay I gave in.

Megan:" yes,just a bit."

We started walking in.

Rye:" do you wanna go up or..? "

Megan:" I'll follow you."

I followed him up to his room and got in.
I instinctively crossed my arms and looked around the room before sitting on the bed.
He left the bag on the floor and stopped in front of me.

Rye:" so how have you been? "

Megan:" what do you think?"

I answered coldly.

Rye:" I know."

He looked down at his feet while I didn't know if I had to be angry or sad about how he's answering.

Megan:" you? What about Jess?"

Rye:" you know I haven't been good either. I miss you so much. It's three days that I don't sleep."

He admitted looking at me blankly.

Megan:" rye, how do you think I spent the last three days? I did what you would have never done. We couldn't go on like that. You didn't know what you wanted and I don't think you do now. "

I raised my voice slightly as I spoke harshly.
I know I'm being rude to him but it's stronger than me.

Rye:" Megan, I'm sorry. I have to think about the band. I know it hurt you and it hurt me too. "

Megan:" it's like a dejavu. Four years ago you said the same thing. You had to think about your career and you knew you wouldn't be capable of having a distance relationship. You already siad that a lot of time ago. "

I reminded him, feeling a dejavu for real.

Rye:" it feels like that for me too. I hate seeing you hurt and seeing you suffering what I did. If I could go back and never break up with you I would."

Megan:" but unfurtately you can't. We can't go back."

My mouth moved before I could think about the sentence but I know that if didn't speak I would have never said that.

Megan:" rye, I swear that if I could I would go back too and never let you go and I think I'm doing again this mistake but if you're with jess than I'll do this mistake again. "

This big mistake that I did four years ago.
It feels wrong but I have to repeat it.
He grabbed my arm and pulled me closer. I looked the wall avoid his eyes but as he spoke my gaze moved on his.

Rye:" I love you."

He reapeted it at least six times but it was so nice hearing those three words.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me even closer.

Rye:" I love you so much."

This last one came out as a whisper but after that he kissed me.
At first I didn't kiss him but then my lips moved instinctively on his.
I pulled apart and looked up at his eyes.

Megan:" we can't. "

I whispered taking my gaze off his.
He didn't move and I didn't either.

Megan:" but I don't want you to stop."

I spoke and as he heard my voice he reattached his lips to mine.
The kiss was rough and passionate.
I let everything I had in flow out of me and I got lost in that kiss.
After three days without him I really needed him. I needed his voice, his eyes, his lips. Him, all of him.
His chest pressed on mine, his hands were tight around my waist,his hair tickled my forehead and his soft lips were on mine.
Nothing can be better.
Suddenly a voice interrupted our moment.
"what the hell?!"
We pulled apart and both our heads turned towards the door.

Rye:"Jess, what are you doing here?"

Rye spoke surprised while I stared at Jessica speechless.

Jess:" I came here to see my boyfriend, or better my ex-boyfriend."

She spoke quickly,full of anger and sadness.

Rye:" please let me explain."

Rye didn't hesitate on answering. I stayed next to him silently looking down at my feet.
I felt so ashamed.

Jess:" explain what? Everything is clear."

She turned around and ran downstairs.
Everything is so wrong. I did the right thing when I broke up with him but that kiss was a sign od weakness.
We can't be together but we want each other.
Rye followed Jessica downstairs and I let my body collapse on the bed.
I rested my elbows on my knees and took my head in my hands.
It happened twice. Twice someone found out about but this time is going to be the last one.
I heard some voices from downstairs but nothing was clear.
My mind blurred and thousands of thoughts filled my brain but I couldn't tidy them. It was a big mess.
My life is a big mess. This relationship is a mess.

A/N
We already know what happened but we don't know what Megan thought about it or how she felt.
So, here's her thoughts.
Let me know what you think in the comments.
Thanks for reading.
~aurora