Silverfish

Summer

This is usually very unhappy times now, the sun overheard, staring down at us as if to prove that it is still hot. We know.

A painful sadness lingers in my heart in which I have not yet disposed of, leaving me without anything as it hoards all of my desperate energy away.

I am without.

Sometimes it feels as though I am almost too surrounded, however, this feeling never seems to last as long as it's counterpart does, and soon after I am falling down a hole of self absorption.

I wish to have someone else to care about. Of course I care about many other things but recently not one particular person will openly receive all of my ardent attention. It is preserved like summer dill in the car port, stacked upright on racks. Constant noises of jars clashing against each other, fighting for the loudest sound. No one glass prevails, but rather, a messy parade of noise replaces that competition instead.

With this I soon forget about my feelings and take part in happy distractions. Something that could be considered quite tedious to others but now fills my time with easy burdens gladly. I am awake for all of this, I suppose, but my heart is elsewhere. I do not try to find it most days but occasionally some awful event will remind me that I am in fact alone.

Yet, I still haven't decided if I prefer it so. I guess in time I will ever subtly fall into it and enjoy my own company well or kill myself. Either way, I'll have that sharp sun, staring down at me, making me wish for something else.