Silverfish

I Miss Him

Your eyes were a delicate, dark chestnut. An immediate juxtaposition of your champagne blonde hair which–in the sunlight–I was always able to find diamond-like speckles threaded throughout.

I miss you, so fucking much.

Sometimes, whenever I am desperately attempting to concern myself with matters other than yourself, I will, in a such inescapable way, fall right back into that awful pit of recollection, feeding it more and more until I must throw up. It's very easy to get to that point, a dangerous yet comforting consistency.

Last March when you were still here with me we had gotten into some trivial argument–undoubtedly your fault–and had ended up walking along a sidewalk, side-by-side, completely silent. I crossed my arms over my chest tightly in defiance and you kept your hands at your sides, stiffly, careful not to accidentally touch them with my side. I always believed this lack of attention was your favorite way to punish me. And of course, it worked, because not a few minutes later I caved and forced you to say something.

"Okay fine, can we just stop this already?"

I caught you briefly smirking before regaining composure, "Yes we can stop it. I never wanted it to start."

"Well neither did I!" I rebut sharply.

You stop suddenly and turn to face me, brushing the loose hair out of your eyes, "You really want to argue about this too?"

I scoff, "You're such a dick sometimes, you know?"

You laugh lightly this time, "I do know that. And alright, I'm sorry for getting upset. Let's just go home."

I had always found this way about your apology so endearing, this bend in such an ardent boy's configuration, "Good."

And then the next day following you were taken from me, by some terrible force in the universe.

I wasn't one to ever believe in any time of supernatural faith before this but now, anything is possible. Why you, you of all fucking people had to go? What did you do to deserve this?

I wish I could take your place instead.

But for now I settle in between memories and sorrow, a deep intense sorrow that I know will consume me one day.