Changes

Chapter 19

“I don’t know” he said still looking down. “I guess I just always thought that if I blamed everything on you then I wouldn’t have to deal with it. Like I wouldn’t have to give up everything that I had planned out for my life”

I looked at him and said “So you thought it was fair for me to give up everything! What have you even been doing with your life because it sure doesn’t seem like much. You commute to school, so do I! Its called making it work, it’s hard but it would be easier if you were there to help me but you never are!”

“I know that okay! I’m sorry.” He said running his finger through his hair. “Your right I probably shouldn’t be forgiven but I want to. I’m gonna change. I want to be in Coleton’s life. I don’t want him to grow up realizing he has the worst dad in the world.”

I sat there for a few moments thinking about what he said. I didn’t want to give him chances if he wasn’t being serious. Before I could open my mouth Louis started to say something “How does she know that you’re not jut gonna do what you’ve done in the past? And how do I know you’re not just gonna keep lying to me about everything?”

Stan just sat there looking down. “I’m sorry! Okay I was stupid and I shouldn’t have done that”

Louis was now getting angry, something that was very rare, especially towards Stan, his best friend. “You told me that Leah wouldn’t let you see Cole. You said that she was keeping you from him all the time. You would come toLondonand hungout with me and my friends a lot and you would tell me that you were always offering to see him but she wouldn’t let you. I believed you! Over my own sister! You convinced me that all the times you came to my place that they had been weekends that she had backed out on letting you take Cole. Now I know it was the opposite, they were all the times that you couldn’t be responsible and that you didn’t want to see your own son! You were to busy trying to have fun and do what you wanted!” Louis turned to me and said “I’m sorry that I believed him. I told you that one day you would need my help because I thought that you didn’t want anyones help. I didn’t know that he was always doing this to you. He told me all the time that it was the complete opposite. That’s why I got so mad. I should have let you talk to me. I think I was just so mad about the situation that you guys were in that I didn’t want to hear both sides of the story.”

I let the words hit me. I took a deep breath, ready to say something when Harry walked in. “Umm I’m really sorry but Coleton is crying upstairs a lot” he said shyly.

Before Louis or Stan could get up I pushed out my chair and went upstairs. Coleton was sitting up in his crib with little tears running down his face. I took him out and brought him into my arms. When I changed him I noticed he still looked really tired. He didn’t feel as warm but when I took his temperature he still had a small fever. So I sat down in the chair next to his crib, just rocking him in my arms.

I heard a light knock on the door and looked over to see Stan standing there.

“I didn’t know he was sick. Louis just told me” he said coming into the room

“Well you would have known if you would’ve been here” I said rudely keeping my voice down so I didn’t wake him.

Stan took a deep breath and said “I deserve that, but I promise that I want to change. I want to be in his life.”

“And you can be, but its gonna take a while for me to trust you. We use to be really close, we were such good friends, almost like a second brother to me. But right when I told you that I was pregnant you stop caring. You ignored me and you only came around when it was convenient for you.”

He looked at me with sad eyes and said “I’m gonna wait this time. I’m gonna wait for you to trust me. I want to be in his life. I’m sorry it took me a while to realize it but I am here now Leah.”

“Why now?” I asked

“What I said to you the other night was wrong. Louis made me realize. I shouldn’t have said that stuff and I’m sorry. Yesterday I was thinking about how much of a dick I have been to you over the years. I have been out of line”

I turned to him and said “I’m happy you are coming around. And over time I really hope that you can truly be there for him. I’m not gonna keep him from you, you’ve known that from the beginning. I think that I will be able to trust you but its gonna take a while. We are gonna have to go slow because Cole’s getting older and I don’t want him to get his hopes up and have you let him down like you have done to me in the past”

“That’s fine with me, I’m gonan get your trust back because I’m not gonna stay out of his life. I’m done with letting you down all the time. I was selfish. I wanted to go places but I that its not the right thing to do. The right thing to do is be a father to my son.”

I looked down at Cole and saw he was now fast asleep. I went and put him back in his crib. I looked over at Stan who was still standing in the same spot. “You’re an amazing mom, I knew you would be.” He said

“I know you’re a good dad when you try. I am really happy that you are going to try, I really am. I can’t say I forgive you but I will, its just gonna take a while to for all the wounds you left to heal”

We started walking down stairs and saw Harry and Louis both sitting on the couch. I walked Stan to the door. We talked for a few more minutes and then he left.

…

I was sitting in my room. Thinking about today. I had been waiting for Stan to finally saw those words, I was starting to think it would never happen. I knew that the relationship we have now will probably never be as good as it was before I got pregnant, but at least we were both trying. Once Stan regained some trust we would need to work out some type of schedule. As Cole grows up I want him to have some sort of stable life, not just switching houses all the time.

My thoughts were interrupted by Louis coming into my room. He sat down next to me on my bed. “I’m sorry I was losing my temper earlier” he said quietly

“It’s okay. You were saying the things that needed to be said.” I told him

“I know but ever since we talked when you came toLondon, I just wanted to yell at Stan. I mean I kind of yelled at him the other night but that didn’t count because I just ended up hitting him”

I raised my eyebrow and turned my head to Louis “You gave him that black eye!”

He looked over at me and shrugged. “I know, I never get into fights, I’m always the one breaking them up. But I heard what he said to you the other night. I was drunk and I was on edge because earlier that day I had planned on talking to him about everything but I never got the chance. So when I heard him say that to you I just lost it for a second. I said a few things to him and then he passed out. But I guess I got through to him”

I moved over and hugged him. “I’m not happy you punched your best friend, but thank you, thank you for standing up for me.”

He returned the hug and said “I’m sorry it took so long”

“It’s okay” I said reasurring him.

“But it’s not. I should have believed you. The whole thing from the beginning has been a mess. I shouldn’t have ignored you and I should have talked to you. When I got on the x-factor I took it as an escape from all of this, you know no drama or anything. Then when Stan came to visit me once, I asked about you. He told me his story and I believed him. I told you earlier. I am gonna be here for you now on. Even though I am inLondon, I will help you out. You could move up with us and we could all help you! I’m gonna be the best Uncle to Cole! And a much better brother to you!”

“Your already doing a great job” I said after he finished.