lethal//changlix

killing me

I was standing in our balcony, while holding a cigarette between my index and middle finger. Putting the small object beween my lips, I inhaled, feeling the toxins enter my already ruined body, softly and slowly killing me.

The view from the balcony was pretty, as the the city shined bright in the black night.

Felix came to the balcony and stood next to me.

"I don't think that smoking is necessary. It's bad for your health anyways."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his statement.

"Well it releases stress. Plus, it doesn't really matter if it's bad for me. I'm going to die one day anyway."

I looked at Felix, only to see him on the verge of tears. His face made me frown, as I hated seeing him like that.

"I'm begging you, Changbin. Don't say stuff like that. I already almost lost you once. I wouldn't be able to live without you, do you understand?"

Felix looked at me, searching for an answer, whilst I just stood there, not knowing how to respond.

Felix smiled at me mockingly and after that looked down the balcony. He took in a deep breath and after that reached for the cigarette in my hands, throwing it away.

His actions made my heart flutter, since it showed that he clearly did care about me and my health, but I couldn't help and still feel pissed.
It was my last cigarette.

I groaned and got inside, Felix following me. We sat on a couch next to each other. I saw this as a perfect opportunity to ask questions that were bothering me.

"It's kinda weird that you're the only person who seemed to know about my coma. I mean, I haven't even met my parents yet."

It felt odd not to see your parents after such an accident. I couldn't even remember their faces anymore, or their names.

Felix seemed to hesitate answering me, which immediately made me worried. He once again took a deep breath and looked me into the eyes.

I stared at his face, as we were really close right now. His brown eyes were captivating and really, really beautiful. The freckles covering his button nose and cheeks were something that made me happy.

"Your mom and dad got divorced when you were younger. Your mom left to another country, so you didn't see her again after the break up, which means that you lived with your dad."

I nodded, waiting for him to continue. Felix gave me a sad smile, which made me confused.

"Your dad died in a car crash when you were eleven years old. After that happened, my mother adopted you. We decided to be roommates, so when we were old enough, we moved together to this apartment."

I was shocked. Even though I didn't have any memory of my parents or what they were like, I still felt like crying.

I didn't even dare to ask about our mother, as I already knew what had happened. I knew what I had done.

My dad is dead and mom was never really in the picture. I could feel warm tears running down my cheek.

"But you told me that you were my boyfriend, though."

"Well..Our relationship was a bit complicated. People thought it was weird to date your brother, even though we weren't biological brothers. We basically decided not to care, since we really were in love. Atleast I was, still am."

I pecked his cheek, for reassurance.
He blushed, which was very cute.

Maybe giving a kiss wasn't a good thing to do, but it was something I just felt like doing. I did it so that he could feel temporary happiness. It seemed to work, as he was for the first time giving me a genuine smile. He showed his teeth, creating wrinkles to the corner of his eyes. Although it seemed sincere, there was still something odd about his smile.

I started feeling really weird. There were new emotions building up inside me, because of Felix. I don't know what the new feelings were, but it was making me nervous, stressed even, but still very excited.

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Song: Killing me, by IKON

'It’s killing me, once again
Your traces remain
And they torture me
It’s killing me
I turned around like you’re a stranger
But why am I so lonely?'