Downtown Idea

49. Should I See You Again (Special Calum Chapter)

Going home had me anxious. I couldn't stop thinking about what Reese said. She said she could do it without me. She said she was fine while I was gone. But she also said she meant all the cuddles and kisses that I had been faking while she was stuck at my parents house.

I told Luke and Jonas while they tried to pretend I hadn't interrupted their making out and Luke just said that maybe I needed to decide what I wanted rather than trying to figure out what she wants. But I just wanted what was best for Brodie.

He needed two parents. Reese might be able to do it by herself but Brodie was a mess without the both of us. Plus I honestly really wanted to be around for him. I loved him more than I would ever actually admit to the guys. They'd just throw some I told you so's and tease me about it. But all in all what I wanted was for Brodie to grow up happy, but would he grow up happy if his Mum was unhappy?

Jonas just said that she was picky and annoying sometimes and to leave her alone for a while, but leaving her alone meant leaving Brodie alone and I didn't want to do that. I had been gone for most of his life at this point and I wanted to see him as soon as I got home.

So I was anxious and worried because I didn't know what was going on with Reese. I didn't know if she'd let me see him.

The whole flight I was up staring at my phone hoping the WiFi connected enough for a text from her to come through telling me I could come straight to her place to see him.

I never got that message. Not in the whole 14 hour flight. And then while we were all walking through the airport I still didn't get anything from her.

"Just call her, Mate." Michael said rolling his eyes as he watched me check my phone again. Crystal suddenly ran out of nowhere and jumped on him. "Oh hey!" He caught her and I was left looking at my phone again.

I can't just call her after days of avoiding it.

I heard Zoe talking to Ashton nearby and I heard Luke on the phone with Jonas. So adding that to Michael kissing and hugging Crystal after months of being apart I was feeling incredibly lonely.

Usually fans were gathered to greet us home from a tour but today our management made our arrival publicly set to three days from now. We hadn't peacefully walked through an airport in years. It was weird.

"Daddy!"

I jerked my attention up and saw a little toddler running toward some guy who had obviously been away. It hurt my heart. I wished Reese and Brodie were here to pick me up. Crystal came for Michael and Zoe was going home with Ashton. Luke was alone but he had Jonas on the phone all the time. I was the only one here going home unhappy and alone.

"Cal, you wanna share a ride?" Ashton asked. He was holding open the car door after Zoe had climbed in. He and Zoe kinda lived all around me and Reese. I shook my head and decided to revel in my own loneliness. I called an Uber of my own and leaned back against the wall by the door. I watched one by one as all my friends went on their own way toward their own homes and happiness. Leaving me behind.

I got so far as to pull up Reese's contact on my phone. I was going to call. I was going to ask her if I could come over and see Brodie. Maybe see her. I didn't know what I wanted from her but I knew I was sick of going in this annoying circle of hurting each other. But I paused because her contact photo was this cute picture of her and Brodie that I took before everything went down hill again. She was smiling and while tiny Brodie was asleep with his head on her shoulder.

And then my car pulled up and I shoved my phone into my pocket.

The drive to my house was so long and I really couldn't stop thinking about Reese. I wanted to fix everything between us but I didn't actually really know how I felt about her. I felt like since we had Brodie, that we should just be together, but somewhere I lost those feelings for her. I saw her and I wanted her so much but it wasn't anything like love. It was pure lust and it made me feel so guilty. Maybe I just didn't know what love really felt like.