Hopeless Romance

Part Five: Hell and Heaven. Chapter Fourteen

I stared at my food for hours, and ignored others staring at me. I placed my plate next to Pod.  She had been sleeping but went from zero to sixty in half a second when the smell of the food next to her nostrils hit her.   Dogs were so funny that way.  This time, I didn’t laugh.

As soon as Pod scarfed her food I got to my feet.  I grabbed some nuts and water.  I felt like I was going to faint and knew I needed to eat even if I didn’t feel hungry.  I was walking slowly back to my room.  I felt like my feet weighed a ton.  All of a sudden, Robert was there in front of me and then was pinning me to the wall, forearm against my throat.  Pod was barking loudly, baring her teeth, hair sticking straight up along her spine.

“You son of a bitch!”  Robert screamed at me.  “Do you know how lucky you are to have May’s love?  I’ve been in love with her for years, trying to get her attention and love.  You threw it away dude.  How could you not want that beautiful woman?  She is the bravest, kindest person I’ve ever met.  Are you even a man?”

I was angry, but then that last question floored me.  Did he know I hadn’t slept with May?  Had she talked to him about us?  Sure, she’d keep my secrets.  Anger bubbled up and I threw him off of me, surprising me since I was quite a bit smaller.  I hurled myself around his knees and he lost his balance and fell to the ground hard.  He hit his head and I saw blood.  I hadn’t meant to do that.  Pod’s mouth was around his calf muscle.  I backed away and called Pod to me, and then stood up.  People came up to Robert the rock star asking if he needed help.  They ignored me, some glared.  I ran to my room carrying Pod and hid there all day.  I expected Frank at any moment, telling me to get the hell out of his cave.  I mean, I’d slept with the leader’s daughter and then my dog and I had hurt his son.  Guess I’m not as smart as I thought I was.  I was a goner.

The next morning, my room was feeling claustrophobic.  I decided I’d make Frank look around for me a little because, well, I was still starving.  Guess I earned some poor karma because when I arrived in the cafeteria my growling stomach once again faded from my mind when I saw May. She was looking at me over her cup of coffee.  Now the love I saw in her eyes pissed me off.  What an actress.  I strode over to her and watched as her unsure smile disappeared and she began biting her lower lip nervously.  I guess the look on my face gave away how pissed off I was. 

I stood over her. I started out in a soft voice, but it was so filled with hate I hardly recognized it, “Why did you tell Robert about us, our problems?  You said I could trust you.  I’m so glad I didn’t buy into that!” 

She was looking at me in shock, still trying to pretend she was my trusted friend.  I screamed, in front of the crowded room, “You probably talked about me, laughed at me, while you were naked in his arms cheating on me.” 

Everyone was staring at us.  I didn’t give her a chance to lie to me again.  I left her sitting stunned, blushing in embarrassment.  I stormed off, and I didn’t look back. This time my stupid, traitorous dog stayed with May. 

I went straight to the library looking for Sophia.  I didn’t see her anywhere.  She wasn’t going to hide from me.  I wanted her, I needed her.  I was no longer in pain, I felt like I was dead except the anger, the fiery flames of hell on Earth, hell in my heart and mind.  Last time she had seduced me, this time I was going to chase her down and we were going to be together.  My anger had now transferred from May to Sophia.  Ignoring the fact that May and I were already having issues my mind blamed all my misery, and May’s, on Sophia’s seduction.  She wanted me, she could have me.  I’d somehow make her talk to me, connect with me.  I knew in my heart we could have some kind of relationship.

I found the hall way behind the big rock, and then the tunnel.  I crawled down it.  I came out by her bedroom blanket.  I heard her moaning with pleasure.  I knew I shouldn’t, but I lifted the blanket to her room.  She was with some other guy I had seen working in the gardens.  I saw tan, rippling muscles and his big hands on her hips.  He had black hair like mine, but curly where mine is straight. 

Sophia saw me and paused.  The man she was with followed her gaze.  “What the hell?” he yelled and started to get up.  Sophia pressed her small hand to his massive chest.  He stayed where he was.  

She looked me in the eyes, acting like I was nothing to her, no one, and without so much as a blush she said, “Go away.” 

I did, stumbling down the tunnel.  I knew where the flowers came from.  I went to my room.  Pod was sitting on my bed, and her tail started wagging when she saw me.  I picked her up, grabbing the soft, fatty area on the back of her neck, and tossed her outside my room.  She still tried to come back in.  I yelled, “Out!”  She slunk away from my voice and out my door.

Just like that, I deflated.  The whirling, tearing, tornado inside of me just blew away, dissolved in the wind of a pain I could no longer deny.  The pain was so intense I wished for the anger to return, as hellish as it had felt. 

I knew it was midday, the sun was up outside, I had seen it shining brightly through the hole in the library’s ceiling.  I was emotionally drained, belly empty. I collapsed on my bed and fell into a deep sleep full of nightmares and darkness.