Hopeless Romance

Chapter Thirty One

For some reason my girlfriends never liked Sophia, my Wild Cat, maybe because she always seemed to have her claws bared around them.  She would call out their flaws in a way that was not outright rude, and right on target, bluntly honest as always.  She went just far enough to make tension bubble up when we were all lucky enough to be in the same room together.

She also brought the kids for impromptu visits, “forgetting” that I told her we were going out, or surprising us when we were staying in. 

Maybe, they just saw the feelings I still had for her, caught me like I caught myself staring a little too long into her eyes or at all the wrong places on her body. 

I was moving on, grief now just a dull ache on most days, although at times, it felt raw and fresh and brought me to my knees begging, pleading, crying, maybe it was a prayer for the pain to stop.  My worst breakdowns, like I had expected, was on May’s birthday and the day she died, the day my baby and puppy died.  Some were so random, seemingly out of nowhere.

I was not moving on from Sophia like I had once thought I could.  It took close to half a year but I finally stopped fighting my attraction to her.  May had forgiven both Sophia and I, and had died as both our friends.  May had always wanted me to be happy.  The more I thought about it, the more I knew May would want me to be with someone I loved, not just using others and being used.

I surprised Sophia one day, lifting the blanket to her room.   I knew she had been alone for a long time, refusing to take another lover when she knew she loved me.  I knew she would be there waiting for me. 

She was curled into a little ball, sleeping soundly.  This time, I was the one to wake her, crawling into her bed and beginning to touch and kiss her back.

Sleepily she whispered, “You done hurting me finally?”

“I’m sorry my beautiful Wild Cat.  I love you.  I’m ready to love you if you’ll still have me.”

She answered me with a kiss. 

Mitch and Sapphire woke us in the morning, jumping on us. 

“Daddy?  What are YOU doing here?”  Sapphire asked.  Mitch just continued to jump quietly.  He didn’t talk as much as Sapphire.  He was quieter like his mother although he looked so much like me.

“Well, I thought I’d like to stay here, in your room with you all.  Is that okay?  Mama?”

Sophia’s eyes once again were filling with tears, but happy ones, that fell down onto a smile. 

“Daddy you made Mama cry!”  Sapphire angrily accused.  Mitch suddenly punched my arm.

“No, no babies, I’m crying happy tears.  And, Mitch we don’t hit!”

“Whaaat? I only cry when I sad.”  Sapphire was very surprised and doubtful.

“Grownups cry sometimes when they are happy.  I want Daddy to live with us.”  Sophia reassured both kids with a bigger smile.

“Oh, yay!  Me too!”  Sapphire said. 

Mitch still looked at me with very familiar wary almond eyes.

“Hey man, it’s okay.  You were protecting your mama.  But, I’ll never hurt her or you guys, okay?” I was eye to eye with him.  He stared for a long moment.

“K daddy,” and he began jumping again.

Sophia took the kids to her parents.  Once again we stayed in Sophia’s, our room, for days; together again and again.  I told her the rest of my story, the parts I hadn’t told her when I was with May.  She wrote it all down and I felt like a weight had been lifted.  I no longer had to try to remember everything about May, all the times and feelings because it was written down forever.   I told her about my relationship problems, due to her in my head and heart.  She laughed.