Hopeless Romance

Chapter Eleven

I woke with a start.  I cringed as I recalled how hurt May was the night before.  Our argument re-played through my head.  It was a one sided argument for sure, but I didn’t feel like my silence had been kindness.  I saw once more the look on her face, her body curled in on itself, the pain in her eyes.  I don’t cry easily, but in the privacy of the moment, tears escaped my eyes.

I went to May’s room hoping to smooth things over.  My plan was to offer enough vague, but honest, information and then we could go back to normal, at least for a while. Buy some time, perhaps eventually l could open up.  In all the confusion of our relationship there was one thing I knew for sure: we loved each other.  There were so many more good things than bad about our relationship.  I knew things would be okay.

I stood outside her room, calling her name for a few minutes.  She didn’t answer.  I lifted her door blanket.  She wasn’t there.  She always went to breakfast early so I headed to the cafeteria.  I stood inside the entrance and scanned the room a few times.  Then, I looked all over the caves.  When I didn’t see her in the caves I walked to the Spring, the Lake, everywhere.  My heart sank.  I decided to head into work.  I had a Research and Strategy brainstorming meeting I was an hour late for.  There I saw Frank, and sat in the empty chair next to him.  Ignoring the guy speaking to everyone, I leaned over and whispered to Frank, “Hey Frank, have you seen May today by chance?” 

He looked at me, and then at the guy speaking and I thought he might not talk to me right now.  I guess being the leader and all he decided he could go ahead and talk whenever he wanted to.  “Oh, yes, actually this morning, very early.  Robert came by with her to tell me that May thought it was time to move on a recruit.” He said it lightly, not knowing it felt like a punch in my gut.  “It’s rated 7, moderate danger, so it’s a two person RR.  Long road trip, wouldn’t expect her back for a week or two.  It was kind of strange as they weren’t due for this mission for another month.” 

I sat there stunned silent but looked at the speaker, making it seem like all of a sudden I had to hang on his every word.  I don’t remember any of his ideas, anything he said that day.

I didn’t make it to work the next day, or the next, really I lost track of how many days.  I just wandered around the cave.  I missed May like I imagined I’d miss my arm if I lost it.  There was no escaping her, every area of the cave she had shown me, and most of them we had spent time together in.  She had weaved herself though my head, heart, and life.  I just couldn’t tell her what she wanted to know. 

I sat endlessly by the Spring.  I didn’t eat or sleep.  I received a warning from Frank.  He reminded me that contributing my services was a condition of being part of the community, being sheltered and fed in the caves.  He didn’t quite threaten to kick me out of the caves, but he made me worry about it.  I decided I could at least show up for the meeting; maybe do a little more work during the day.  Distraction might be a good thing.

I was so cranky with Pod, her continual presence now felt smothering, and I yelled at her or ignored her.  She stopped coming around.  I told myself something I had heard my mom say yearly.  “March comes in like a lion, out like a lamb.”  Maybe this month would end softer, more peacefully. 

Somehow one day I ended up in the library.  I was wandering around looking at titles blindly, really a million miles away in memories with May, when I noticed someone standing in a corner watching me with wary eyes, like a stray wild cat.  As soon as she saw I was looking her way she looked down at the floor.

She had pale skin, light eyes, dark red lipstick that really stood out on her face.  I knew she had golden hair but today I couldn’t see it because of the black hooded jacket she seemed to be hiding in.  She had tight black skinny jeans and those same sexy boots- high heeled, knee high coal black boots.  It was often cold in the cave’s dampness, surprising to me as I knew above ground it was a warm, humid Alume Spring.  The cold of the cave never bothered May, just like she somehow swam in cold waters.  Maybe it was all the muscle she had, or all that running.  I however was often uncomfortably cold. 

I approached her slowly.  “This is an amazing library.  I’m Michael.  Are you Frank’s daughter?”

“Yes.”

Okay… that’s it?  “Cool.  What’s your name?”

“Maybe someday.” She was still looking at the ground. 

“I know a girl named May, but Maybe Someday. That’s unusual.”  I laughed.  She didn’t.  This was getting awkward.  Time to go, I thought.

Then, she glanced up for a moment.  Golden hair strands escaped from underneath her hood.  Our eyes met.  This girl’s eyes were like my cup of coffee after I poured milk into it, a warm, chocolaty brown color.  I loved May’s emerald green eyes.  I immediately loved these eyes too.  She might seem cold, I thought, but this girl was hiding warmth.  She was so mysterious, closed tight. Opposite of the Comp girls- in five minutes you had seen all of them, everything, nothing hidden, no secrets, empty eyes, no intrigue.  Even May had divulged everything so quickly and put me in this pit of quick sand I felt I was sinking in- she left because I wouldn’t tell her my secrets, my past.  Because of what she had told me, shared with me, I also knew if I told her I would lose her.  She would hate me.  I stood at a fork in the road and knew it was useless to turn in either direction. 

I realized it was I that now stared at the ground.  I looked up, out of my reverie, to see those chocolate eyes looking over my shoulder.  I turned but I didn’t see anything.  Maybe she was off in her own head; strange that I found this so hot.  And, well, validating.  Someone else did this too.  Right away I knew she was someone who would get me.

“Okay, well, see ya.”  I started to walk away.  May would have made me stay, she would have said something.  Not this girl.  I wandered the shelves for hours pretending to search for something.  Maybe she would offer to help me.  I was waiting for her to come to me, say something.  She stared through me or read her book.  Then, once when I looked over she had disappeared.  I went to where she had been sitting and looked around.  She was gone.