Hopeless Romance

Chapter Twenty Three

May wanted to talk about Sophia and the upcoming birth, a lot.   She told me way more about childbirth than I ever wanted to know so I could support Sophia through it.  I hadn’t even volunteered for that! May had signed me up and now I didn’t know how to get out of it.  Or if I should even try, I mean it was something dads did right?  Shouldn’t I want to see my kid take the first breath, my kid’s first moments?  I didn’t know if I wanted to or not, but I knew I was expected to.  I felt like I just kept disappointing everyone and I didn’t want to again.  I stayed silent.

May spent a lot of time with Sophia, rubbing her back or feet.  She told me it would make Sophia more comfortable during labor, help it progress, if Sophia felt safe with both of us.  But, May seemed to enjoy it as much as Sophia.  Sometimes she would giggle after they had been hanging out and tell me something Sophia had told her about me.  Once she asked, “So, I hear you have a thing about high heel boots huh?  Next mission I better get me some of those.”  My girlfriend was now friends with my past lover, the mother of my child!  How the hell did this happen?

It was strange, but May seemed like herself again.  I think my support of her RR missions and my constant reassurances of love had her trusting me again whole heartedly.   I think she was also trusting Sophia more now that they were becoming friends.    

We talked a lot about our own births too.  They couldn’t have been more opposite.  May knew every detail of her birth. Her parents had often referred to it, shared their memories of a time that was very bonding for their family.  My parent’s rarely spoke of it, and I had never thought about asking for more details. 

May was excited when she began her birth story.  “I was born during the day.  That’s kind of unusual.  A lot of labors start at night when the mom is at her most relaxed.  It was a full moon the night before.  My parents were living out on the farm.  My Dad had grown up friends with Frank and jumped on the idea of building a self-sufficient community. They were some of the first to join.  Of course, Frank was happy to have a couple doctors!  My parents also enjoyed growing things and in the early days helped with the crops. 

My mom told me that labor started after she had walked through gardens of new life, telling me how excited she was to show me this beautiful world, and telling me all about it.  She would talk about the butterflies flitting around.  She said that she told me, “Come out when you are ready sweet one and I will show you everything.” 

I was born quickly.  My parents were in their own bed, in their home, loving each other.  My dad was the one who reached down and brought me into the world and then cut my cord.” Oh, hell no.  Is that what she saw me doing?  She continued, “My dad would always say, ‘I thought I was tough, helping Frank in the fields for hours and hours a day; pulling those crazy long hours during my residency.  That day, your mama showed me what tough was.  She didn’t scream or cry- until she cried happy tears when she held you for the first time.’” 

“August, my sister, her birth was traumatic for my mom.  She was so drugged she barely remembered it, she needed an emergency cesarean.”  Her birth sounded a lot like mine.  “My mom wanted something different the next time around.  When my mom spoke about my birth she was always smiling.  She told me she felt the most powerful she had ever felt, and peaceful, and loved.  She celebrated the exact moment of my birth, 4:26pm, on every one my birthdays, finding me wherever I was, and then she’d hold me once again in her arms.  She did this every year, until I was taken away to be a Birth Mother.  I still feel the coldness, the lonely ache of not having those arms around me that first birthday without her.”   I held May as she cried.

A few days later, May was begging to hear my story.  I kept trying to put it off, kept telling her there was nothing really to tell.  I didn’t know much.  But, May was persistent.