Vent book

Self Conscious

I'm sure this is something that pisses everyone off honestly whenever people go to someone who looks pretty/handsome to them and then the person just says, "OMG NO I'M NOT-"

Don't get me wrong, all of us can be self conscious about some things but please when someone at least compliments you, even if you don't believe it just say thank you for crying out loud. There are other people out there who will say worse shit like "You're ugly" just to bring you down or envy how pretty you are and do shit.

I'll even admit, I myself don't think I'm beautiful or anything yet my friends and boyfriend always tell me that. Even if I don't agree with them I still tell them "Thank you."

Just try and have a little bit of self confidence in yourself at least, you can't always get self conscious about yourself. I mean, I sound like a hypocrite since I don't really have any self confidence..not to mention I get self conscious about myself since earlier today I was in a call with my boyfriend and when I tried to show him something my camera accidentally flipped onto my face that wasn't covered and he saw me.

Even if he told me that I looked pretty, and I'm not trying to sound dramatic..I kind of felt like crying from my face being shown since I was so embarrassed and really nervous that my face was shown to him.

I don't know if I've said this before, but I have scars on my body and stuff including 01001101 01111001 00100000 01100110 01100001 01100011 01100101. I even get nervous if I probably look a bit overweight when I'm not really and sometimes these things make me tear up a bit since I get nervous if my boyfriend will love me less or anything.

When my self conscious gets the best of me too jealousy sort of kicks in..I'm not jealous of how other girls look or anything since I actually think they're really pretty but other girls in the past and stuff before I dated my boyfriend..and it annoyed me a bit when some of them said that they don't look pretty and stuff.

Well at least you don't have some fucking scars and all, be happy about that..then again I should be telling myself the same for me.

This might sound even more stupid, but I get annoyed with how I look too since I look like a kid sometimes. Don't get me wrong, having young looks will do me good later on in life instead of looking like an old woman,

But I get somewhat jealous of girls who look older than me that are MY age. Like they look like they're either their age or a little bit older, and I'm over here looking like I'm 13 years old or something when I'm actually 16 years old and get nervous if my chest looks tiny compared to other chicks and it kind of ticks me off. Despite not liking it, I'm lucky for it honestly..

It's things like this that I wonder about when I meet my friends and boyfriend in person..I literally can't hide my face forever from them and all..heheh, it's dumb.

But looks aren't the only thing, at times I get worried about how I am since I ramble A LOT about stuff or how I act like a childish little brat and I worry if it annoys the piss out of my lover and friends. It's fine though,

I can't stay like this forever with these things..I have to at least have some self confidence in myself just like how others need it too..but yeah, just accept it when others tell you that you're beautiful and all in their eyes..