Vent book

Lonely (again?)

I'm not sure if I titled a chapter in this book the same. If I did, oh well. I've been stressed out a bit with school and I'm still figuring out what to do and trying to think, I guess it's okay though.

I don't feel good either tonight and it's probably from stress and me being tired a lot lately..like always. Maybe even because of tonight since I've been thinking.

Originally I had planned to write a vent story but I'm sort of tired to so I'm sticking with this.

Earlier today or something I saw someone complaining about how they have no friends on the internet and stuff since they follow me and it pissed me the fuck off because I've seen pictures of them with their friends and laughing while going to places with them.

And yet they complain that they have no friends and how lonely they are.

It's like, shut the actual fuck up you dumbass you have friends in person and not online ones that are miles away from you that you have difficulty talking to because of your parent's strict rules about talking to people on the internet while hiding it and constantly lying to them about it and being home schooled and having no one to socialize with but your fucking family.

Excuse my little angry rant, I honestly appreciate my friends and family even if my friends are far and the fact that I don't socialize too much with my family. It's just that I get jealous when I see people hanging out in groups or with their friends in person and having fun while doing things together.

I mean, I'm just over here in an online school with nothing to really do. I don't go outside too much even if my mom offers it because when we go with my family they go out at 9 AM and then stay out until 11 PM or around there and she has work. Not to mention that I have school and need to get caught up with a shit ton at the moment which is stressing me out and making me nervous about what to do when I'm trying to stay settle about it.

You can ask why I don't hang out with my cousins or anything. You see, I used to hang out with my younger cousins but stuff happened that I can't explain and my other cousins who are older I'm shy to talk with just like the rest of my family and I can't really engage in the conversation that they have. As for the adults they mostly talk about adult stuff that I can't get involved in because I'm not an adult.

And if you've read this book then you already know that I don't have friends in person.

But I'm still grateful for my family and friends online even if they're far away...I just get lonely and wish that they were here so I can hang out and do stuff with them..

Hell I even get sad that my boyfriend is so far away because I just wish that he was here so I could actually kiss him and show him how much I love him without hiding my relationship with him from my own mother..

And yet people out there who have more than I do fucking complain that they have no friends. I know people who have it worse out there than me and I feel sorry for them honestly which is why I'm grateful for what I have, and it makes me angry with how others go like "oH I'm sO lOnElY-" yeah right! YOU get to hang out with people who're AROUND you!!

What makes me even more angry is the fact that because I don't really have anything to do I just ramble constantly about the same things to my friends sometimes and maybe talk about negative shit a lot because I have nothing else to talk about!

I've been thinking about that a lot tonight too and realized that I probably do that a lot since I have nothing better or interesting to talk about since I don't even really do anything or have anyone to talk to about this stuff and it just makes me sad.

I hate to admit this too but I even have a small bit of envy towards my boyfriend and friends since I hear stories of them with friends and what not probably..something that I don't even really have to talk about with..

Ugh..I just really wish that I could see my boyfriend and show him that I love him while doing fun things with my friends..and I wish that my mom wasn't so protective over me with the internet and allowed me to talk to people while not wanting to butt in on every conversation that I have with people..

Then again I guess it's understandable about why she's protective but still..

I'm sorry for venting, I just really needed to release this off my chest since I'm stressed and have been feeling a little lonely lately while wishing that I was near my boyfriend..

But I'm still happy that I at least have my friends and family..others out there have it worse than I do I bet..and I can't even imagine it..