Let's Run Away

Chapter 1 - Drive

"What does science and religion have in common?" asked my lecturer, giving us ten minutes to respond. I just sat there thinking, about how people lived, how the universe barricades is in darkness and we pray on God to deliver us from all the worlds nonsense while the Buddhists sit and stare at the back of the eye lids all day. I raised my hand to respond, "They're both searching for the source that made us. For every human there had to had been a woman and a man but who created them?" then I sat back and covered my face with my hoodie as everyone stared in disbelief. "Brilliant!" she exclaimed and I felt mocked.

Fuck I hate therapy, not because its dumbfounding rather it is like going deeper into the deep end knowing you can't swim. But I like it, because when you get to the ground you can use your legs to push yourself up.

"I have been depressed for so long my parents had no understanding of how I feel. Even if I was with people I still felt a sense of not belonging. My life and what my parents had planned out for me had no correlation and my father had called me a 'disappointment' countless times" I said as she wrote in her book.

"My life had begun spiralling towards darkness and I felt the walls of self hatred clustering me, my minded clouded with thoughts barricading me with desire to choke me and a strong feeling of drowning into a deep self destructive depression." I continued explaining.

"I had been so messed up and honestly no one realised, maybe they did, maybe everyone goes through things, maybe they dont want to intertwine their disgraces with my because mine are so far fetched or maybe even shallow. Thoughts?" I asked her and she barricaded herself in silence. I got up and walked out.

I was in such a dark area that mama never wanted me to be home alone. I had great loss in spirit and a deep desire to find it.

When my friends and I were young, we had a favorite oak tree we played at. One night we were on our way to the tree when a disturbing sight of a gaunt angelic maiden having had open cuts on her wrist petrified us. We told nobody about that, and made a pact that if anyone of us felt the need to cut our wrist we would just runaway. But of course we were kids, so we failed, many times.

With all attempts having failed before we were determined that we should just do what everyone does, just bottle it up and shove it deep down. The problem with that was it destroyed us mentally. "Running away from your problems will allow them to ruin you subconsciously. So ultimately you'll forever be fucked", Uncle Cole used to say.

I spoke to Uncle Cole about it and he just laughed, which left me devastated and perplexed.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked and he responded with a smirk. We sat in silence as he finished his glass of bourbon when he said, "Go away", in a mellow tone when he handed me some cash and a playlist.

I was terrified of leaving but I realised that nothing much mattered to me I just wanted to be free, I wanted my life to slow down.

When I got home that night, I found Noah and Liam under the gazebo in the front yard. As I approached them I caught a glance inside the house through the side window. Me'mar was on the phone and dad was on the couch watching his crime series, acting like a dictator probably.

"What' up?", I asked them which led to an awkward silence before Noah cleared his throat and said "Unc' told us about your plan, when are we doing this?". I stared at Liam for a second and then stared a Noah for another, "I dont care, whenever". We decided on the next morning, when both my parents are at work.

That night I struggled sleeping. For the first time we were actually going to leave. I felt confused, excited and fearful, and a little nauseous. I eventually stopped thinking, flipped over and eventually slept.