strawberries & cigarettes ➸ johayden

VII. relax

STRAWBERRIES
& CIGARETTES

   THE WORD 'PANIC' WASN'T enough to describe the feeling that John Vincent Orlando was feeling after he processed the fact that he had kissed a fan... a boy... Hayden. He kissed someone who he had never thought he would kiss. It was his first kiss surprisingly and yet he in his heart he felt as if him and Hayden had somehow kissed before, the familiar feeling of his lips made Johnny's heart sink into his stomach and caught by the butterflies still left over. As he lied in his bed he kept replying the moment in his head and what happened afterwards.

Hayden softly put his hand on Johnny's cheek as they each feel deeper into the kiss. After only a moment Hayden pulled away with a half smile. John's breath was unsteady and his entire body feeling warm and content as he let a smile appear on his face as well.

"I got to go Orlando" Hayden spoke gently as he moved his hand to Johnny's and rubbed the top of it with his thumb before he let go and began to walk away. The curly haired boy turned his head to look at John once more as he continued to walk to his car "See you later" He said with a smile and nod.

As Johnny closed his eyes, thinking about that moment with Hayden, somehow, all the fear and panicking left his body and he was able to fall sleep and in the sleep he would dream about Hayden, but that's private.

Hayden couldn't quite seem to relax on his plane ride back to Canada. It had been two hours and his mind was still racing, his leg bouncing anxiously and all that he could think about was how badly he could use a cigarette. How good the smoke would feel as it filled his lungs and how good the tobacco would taste in his mouth and the cough that came with it.

Hayden wasn't gay and he knew that, he knew that that was the very last thing he was. He couldn't be. He was in denial and yet he was still aware of that fact. It's an odd feeling, being in denial and knowing you are at the same time.

"Hayden!" Jessie shouted with a smile as she saw her boyfriend walk up to her large waiting area of the airport. In that moment Hayden started to panic... he cheated on Jessie and he felt terrible, Jessie wasn't the best girlfriend or person in general but she didn't deserve to be cheated on.

"Hi, Jess" Hayden said quietly with a small smile as Jessie pulled him into a hug

"I missed you babe" Jessie told as she hugged him tighter and of course that only made Hayden feel worse than what he already did. "Did you have fun with your friend?"

"Mhm. I did." Hayden answer as he pulled away from Jessie and adjusted the backpack on his back

"That's good. We should get going now, I already have an Uber ready" Jessie interlocked her hand with Hayden's as the two began to exit the airport.

"I-I need a smoke break before we leave, I haven't had one in forever" Hayden said just as him and Jessie approached the gray vehicle.

"Ugh. I already miss you being gone. Go do whatever you need to" Jessie said with a scoff before she opened the passenger side door. Hayden shook his head with a light chuckle under his breath as he walked to the nearest wall and leaned on it before he lit his cigarette. As he let out the smoke he had inhaled after a few moments he smiled, finally feeling relaxation.

STRAWBERRIES
& CIGARETTE