°cherry tree°- •비민•

三十六 (ending)

•tae•

My trembling hands found their way to my suitcase, where I took out that stupid ass sheep plushie. Fucking hell.

I couldn't move in anywhere, I had to wait until tomorrow to leave.

Stupid, stupid feelings. I needed them. I needed someone to hold my hand, to whisper nice words in my ear, to hug me, to kiss me. I lost everything. His personality, his looks, his compliments, the way he loved me. Everything. If only I had someone else.

My head popped up and I smiled. Of course.

I stopped walking, closing my eyes and clenching my fist to try and imagine Jungkook's hand holding it. It didn't work. My hand felt colder than ever. I sat down on the bed and cried warm tears. They rolled down my face and onto my clothes, everywhere.

I didn't change from my suit, only headed towards the door and left.

The walk towards the hospital felt cold, slow. Painful. My heart raced, and my gut didn't send me a good feeling at all.

As I entered, I immediately got blocked by a group of nurses carrying a stretcher towards the door, running. I moved out of the way, startled.

I knew Jimin was probably having surgery, so I simply walked over to the front to talk to the receptionist. because people can't walk in during surgery?

"Excuse me, are visits allowed for Park Jimin?"

It felt as if the color drained from the entire room, the way her smile slightly faded away. Everything turned to black and white.

"I-I'm sorry, Park Jimin?"

I nodded, bottom lip quivering out of anxiety.

There was a silence for a few seconds. And it hit me. It hit me like a truck, before I pronounced a word, tears were already rolling down my face.

It all made sense. The way she seemed scared. Or sad. I don't know. My bad gut feeling. The running nurses.

"D-D-Don't t-tell me-e that was- that was-"

I stopped mid-sentence to swallow back a lump of tears.

"W-...Was that h-him..?"

I pointed behind me towards the door, trembling from everywhere.

I couldn't do anything except burst down in tears as she nodded, biting her lip.

This one was horrible. This breakdown. Nobody could stop me from what I was doing, nobody could calm me down. Not even Jimin's aunt. Not even the actual therapist of the area. Not even myself, I couldn't stop, I couldn't stop sobbing, crying, whimpering, screaming. I didn't care anymore, everyone seemed concerned, but I didn't care at all. I was gripping on my hair so hard, I was sure I would rip off a few strands.

I really lost everything, thanks to my stupid personality.

If I got here earlier, maybe I could have at least told him goodbye for one last time. I could have held his hand, I could have kissed him. I could have apologized.

But no. Because of the stupid idiot I am, he left. And I'll never be able to gain his forgiveness. Because I was a selfish prick.

Because I left with Jungkook without even telling Jimin.

He was probably waiting for me. All day, after I left. Waiting for me to come back.

But I never came back.

And now, he'll never come back. Because it's all my fault.

And the more I think of it, the more real it feels. The more I realize I can't respawn and try again. I can't ask for forgiveness. I can't start over in any way. Because this is real life. Life isn't a game. And life is unfair. It has always been.

And I'll never have another occasion to tell him I love him.

This is how it ended. It didn't end well. And I knew it from the beginning.

Because happy endings don't exist. They never have.

And the cherry tree will remain standing tall, standing proud and standing beautiful. In all its pink glory, rosy snowflakes.

Maybe other people will meet love there. Maybe other students will fall in love, there, under that tree.

And there is no way for me to know if their stories will end well or not.

But myself, will always recognize that tree as where I met my love. Where I was happy. Where everything solved up in my life.

It will always take up place in my heart. From the feeling of the bark to the fluttering petals flowing around the wind. The texture of those blossoms. Their color.

And every time the smell of those cherry blossoms will come to me,

I'll remember Jimin.

the end.

---

and it ended.

I don't know how I feel actually, I'm crying even though this story was literally horrible, sorry to all of those that managed to get through the entire thing.

but also thanks for reading, I really mean it :)