A Fresh Start

VI

I woke up in someone's arms. I turned my head up and I saw a sleeping Atalia. While I'm laying there I start to think about what she said earlier. Does she mean it? Am I ready? Will she hurt me? Is she sure I'm what she wants?

My last relationship really hurt me. I trusted her with all my heart. I moved out at 16 to live with her. We had started dating when I was in middle school. I was 14 years old and she was 17 and in high school. When I started high school we were still dating and I loved her. I spent all my time at her house. Except when I wanted to be little because I was too scared to tell her. The only time I was home was when she was busy or I was little. My mom was really torn over it but tried to be as accepting as possible. She wouldn't say anything when I came home all hours of the night because my little side was creeping out. I know she hated it. She thought I was only acting out because my father was gone but really it was because I was so stressed trying to make sure my relationship stayed afloat. I had moved in with her basically and I got a job so I could stop going to school. From after the day I moved out and until we broke up, I didn't go to school. Everything was all good until one day I couldn't help myself so I went into my little space. My ex was home but she wasn't in the same room. I put cartoons on my phone and laid down I guess eventually my thumb made its way into my mouth. My ex opened the door to her room looked at me and said one thing. "What the fuck are you doing?!?" I looked at her confused. I was gonna ask her what she meant but she beat me to it. She said " You do know that you aren't 5 right? Get your thumb out your mouth and turn that off!" I listened to her and then sat up and looked at her. She looked at me for about 4 minutes straight and then turned and walked away. I tried my hardest to not be little around her but since I lived with her it was really really hard not to. Every time I did something remotely childish she yelled at me. Until one day I guess she snapped. She yelled at me called me a whole bunch of mean things and broke up with me. I begged for months for her to take me back. I don't know why but for some reason I felt so safe and complete around her. She kept telling me she couldn't be with me because I acted like a child. So I promised I'd stop and grow up to act my age. She said she would take me back. I moved back in and wasn't little at all in the first 5-6 weeks. One day she had to go on a business trip for 2 days so I decided I would be little then. She left and I waited like 10 minutes before I got my little stuff ready. I was so deep in my headspace after rejecting it for so long I didn't hear her come back or walk into our room. I just remember playing with my toys one second and then being yelled at the next. She grabbed me up by my arm and snatched the paci out my mouth. She threw it somewhere and started cussing at me. I was just listening to her and looking at her crying. Then next thing she did is what made me leave and stop trying to make her like me. She threw me to the ground and then kicked me grabbed what she forgot and told me to get the hell out of her house. I did exactly that too she put her hands on me. Well technically her feet but I know my worth enough to make sure I don't stay if someone hits me.

"Onyx babygirl what's the matter?"

"Huh? Oh shit, my bad I'm sorry for crying on your shirt." I didn't even realize I was crying so I moved off her.

"No none of that it's okay. Talk to me, baby." She pulled me back into her.

"But I barely know you and it's late we have school tomorrow and it's my problem. Thank you though." I said and pulled myself back again.

She looked so sad after I said that. She got up and walked out of my room and into my brothers. I started to feel bad I didn't mean to hurt her feelings I just didn't want to bother her. I jumped up and walked down the hall. I got to my brothers' door and it was cracked open a little and I heard talking to I listened.

"J man I'm sorry I didn't mean to just ditch you like that but your sister needed help and then I got carried away."

"Ah it's cool these 3 kept me company," he said motioning to the people sprawled out across his room.

"I think I like your sister J. I'm sorry bro but she's just so precious and sweet and adorable."

"Just don't treat her wrong she's been hurt before and I don't want it happening again. Also, Solana will definitely beat your ass if you do."

"I could never. Although I don't think she's too fond of me right now."

"Why?"

"I may have picked with her a little bit earlier and then she cried a little bit but after she ate she was fine. Then I laid her down for a nap and she whined when I came in here to put my shoes here and grab my phone. Also when I woke up she was crying and wouldn't talk to me."

"She's sensitive and as for her crying it was probably a scary dream or something."

"More like a scary reality." I thought well at least I thought that it was a thought.

"ONYX ARE YOU STANDING AT MY DOOR!" My brother yelled at me.

"No," I replied.

"Uh huh come here."

"Buh why?" I asked/whined.

"come here now." He said sternly.

I walked into his room. And sat on the beanbag chair in the corner.

"Hi, bubby," I said with a smile.

"Onyx why were you standing at my door listening to my conversation?"

"Well you see after she left my room I felt bad and so I was coming to apologize and then I heard talking so I listened and then I felt bad for listening but I had already heard most of it so I stayed an an and I'm sorry." I rambled starting to feel bad.

"O apologize to Atalia and then go to bed."

"But I-"

"No buts now hurry it's 2 am on a school night."

I whined and pouted

"Now, Onyx."

"Okay, I'm sorry Atalia." I then hugged her and whispered in her ear for her to come back to my room when she got done talking to my brother.

"Goodnight Bubba" I pouted and walked to my room.

I still feel really little. I clean my room a little bit and grab my stuffy and paci then lay in my bed. I hope she does come back to my room.