Boys Will Be Boys

Kiandre-3

February 1, 2018
5:16pm
Chicago, Illinois
\~\ I texted my homeboys as this bitch was slurping my dick down. To be honest it wasn't the best head ever, Xaye is the best head I ever had. I'll get my nut though. She won't let me fuck that pussy because she only 16. But hey I know plenty of girls throwing that ass back in 7th grade. I want to fucking kill Hannah, I want to kill Nae, and most of all I want to kill Yosef. Brutally stab them all and go on the run with Xaye. That's my baby, I don't care if Yosef is fucking his brains out right now. Xaye know my dick better, my strokes are phenomenal, and I don't just fuck to nut. I eat ass for fun too, so I'm a good top to have around. I fucking hate Yosef. He doesn't deserve Xaye, he doesn't even live Xaye, he just doesn't want to see Xaye be happy with ME! Ever since that Niko shit happened Yosef vowed to ruin my life, and he's doing a good job of it too. I just want to take a break. A nice, long, break and never fucking return to St. Louis ever again. That city basically exiled out me. I just wish I could've taken Xaye with me, but thing can't work like that in this world we live in.
Me- Ight get up I'm getting bruises on my dick.
Random Hoe- Mhmmm no you're about to cum.
Me- Nah. You got a brother or something?
Random Hoe- Yeah he 17-
Me- Can he suck dick?
Random Hoe- Um no honey. And that'll be $50.
Me- Bitch I ain't even nut. You was sucking the skin of my balls and not in a good way. You ain't getting shit.
Random Hoe- Whatever.
Me- Bitch you dismissed. The fuck?
\~\ My mom wants me to forget about St. Louis. She said if she ever finds out I went to St. Louis she would literally beat my ass. But I can't help it, I want to hug Xaye for one last time, I want to make love to him one last time, I just want to have one more day to be his boyfriend. But I can't have that, he was stolen from me. I know I haven't even been with him for a long time but he truly has a piece of my heart. No matter how many bitches or niggas I fuck or get head from, Xaye will always be my #1. If I gotta fight Yosef to prove that shit then I will. I just miss his touch. I miss how Xaye would always climb on my back when his short ass couldn't see anything. I miss how he would fall asleep on my chest after we fucked. I hate how that basketball sized ass cheeks would bounce when he rode my dick. I miss how fire his head game was. I miss those soft pink lips. I miss everything about him. He really gave a shit about me and now I'm up here in Chicago fucking bitches and niggas I don't give a shit about just because I'm tryna forget about him. But I can't, no matter how hard I try I can't.
Mom- Hey baby! How was school!?!
Me- I ain't go.
Mom- Why the fuck not?
Me- Cause I'm protesting until you take me back to St. Louis.
Mom- Kiandre you have really been stressing me out and you know stress isn't good for a pregnant woman.
Me- I'm sorry mom but-
Mom- If you were sorry you would've fixed it by now and started taking yo black ass to school. You are a young black man and yo ass can not afford to sit up here and miss out on a free education ESPECIALLY in Chicago. You know the rules, you either go to school or we can take yo ass to that Marine Recuriter Officer down the road. So what is it? This the last time we having this conversation.
Me- Fine mom I'll go to school tomorrow.
Mom- You ain't going tomorrow. I gotta get yo hot ass tested.
Me- Ma really??
Mom- I ain't having a son who has unknown stds.
Me- I ain't got shit but Ight.
Mom- And dont think I don't smell that weed on you!
Me- You said you rather me smoke weed than drink.
Mom- And I told you once I'm pregnant you need to stop smoking around me and in this apartment. I'm not tryna get kicked out.
Me- Shit sorry Ms. Obama.
Mom- Kiandre you want to go back to Missouri so badly you can drive you ass back and find an apartment. You have $7,000 in yo bank account so it's doable.
Me- No I ain't gonna leave you alone especially when you pregnant.
Mom- Then act right.
\~\ I've tried texting and calling Xaye but he hasn't even opened or responded to me. Wouldn't be surprised if he already moved on with Yosef and forgot about me. I guess I need to do the same. There's so many niggas and bitches here who got a fat ass and are cute as fuck. Everybody already know me as the cute ass new cute so getting some play isn't gonna be as hard as it was back in South Lake.
~
My mom is just a few days from being 18 weeks pregnant. She says that this is already her hardest pregnancy yet and I can't help but feel helpless. She throws up so much after she eats even a fruit snack, she gets tons of hot flashes throughout the day, her blood pressure got so low one day she literally fainted. The doctors say that every pregnancy is different but I fucking hate them. They don't give a fuck about my mom and it shows. My sister is literally miserable. She didn't tell my mom but on her first day 4 girls jumped her and stole her favorite earrings. My mom is trying so hard to have us happy but she is so stressed out. I don't want her to miscarry the baby because if I do I know she would only become depressed, my sister would be even more miserable and I would feel like it is all my fault. I try not to be but I cause my mom the most stress, I try to stop but I also have emotions and shit I go through too. I feel like I'm failing so hard at being the man of the house.
February 2, 2018
10:24am
Doctor- So Kiandre how long have you been sexually active?
Me- Uhh since 10th grade ima senior now.
Doctor- And are you making sure to use protection every time you engage in sex?
Me- I mean my last boyfriend and have nothing and he can't get pregnant soooo....
Doctor- Even if you do have sex with other guys you can still get things such as HIV, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis, Syphilis, and other diseases.
Me- Okay I'm sorry I just don't be thinking about condoms when I'm about to fuc- I mean have sex.
Doctor- Hmm. Well be careful next time. But anyway we are here to test you for the STDs I just listed okay?
Me- Ight. Ima test negative for all the diseases.
Doctor- *mumbles* that's what they all say.
10:59am
Doctor- Hey Kiandre....
Me- Wassup doc?
Doctor- The good news or bad news?
Me- Um bad news first....
Doctor- Well you are HIV positive....
Me- Nahhhhh.....
Doctor- Have you had sex with anyone in the past 4-6 weeks?
Me- My ex ain't have noth—— Nae.
Doctor- Is Nae a girl?
Me- Yeah.....she also might be pregnant.
Doctor- Did you wear a condom?
Me- Yeah but it had holes in it.
Doctor- Was she menstruating while you two had sex?
Me- Mann I don't know we just had sex.
Doctor- Have you had unprotected sex with anyone else?
Me- Yeah.... a lot of people.
Doctor- Do you know anyone who is HIV positive?
Me- Nah ion know who gave this shit to me.
Doctor- Okay...well treatment options-
Me- How long I got to live? I know I'm basically dead right? Won't make it past 25?
Doctor- Kiandre if you take your medications as prescribed you can live as long as anyone else.
Me- Ain't nobody wanna be with a dude who got HIV. Ain't nobody gonna wanna marry me knowing I'm dirty, ain't nobody gonna wanna kiss me or hug me and they damn sure won't have sex with me. My love life is over.
Doctor- Kiandre you aren't dirty. Even if you had sex with one person and one person only you still could've gotten this. Don't degrade yourself now, it's time to make a next move- a smart one at that.
Me- Maybe I fucking deserve to die like this. I messed up everybody's life so far why not just die a horrific death.
Doctor- Kiandre you don't mean that.
Me- I can't take this bullshit of a life anymore doc. Everything is going wrong on my life and I just want it to be over. So please just tell me how long until this shit turns into full blown Aids and then my body starts shutting down?
Doctor- Kiandre-
Me- When.
Doctor- Without treatment, you'll develop stage 3 Aids in about two or more years, after you get diagnosed with Aids and don't seek treatment you'll die from an opportunistic infection in no more than 3 years...
Me- And if I just say fuck it and walk out here right now?
Doctor- Kiandre please....
Me- So if I go out and fuck twenty more people raw-
Doctor- Then you are willingly spreading a dangerous disease. Would you want that?
Me- Somebody already did that to me so why not get revenge?
Doctor- Kiandre I can tell you're very angry but doing that won't make you feel any better.
Me- Shit ain't gonna get better for someone like me.
Doctor- You think so?
Me- I know so.
Doctor- Kiandre, I was just a year younger than you when I was diagnosed with HIV. I was 18 and 4 months pregnant at the time. I started treatment immediately and managed to avoid passing the disease on to my baby who is now 16. My viral load is so low now that I can't even pass it on to my husband even if we do have unprotected sex. I thought my life was over Kiandre. But it wasn't, I graduated high school as valedictorian, I went to college for Biology, went to medical school and now look at me. I am the doctor that I always wanted to be. So please Kiandre at least seek treatment. You are a handsome young man and this diagnosis doesn't make you Kiandre and it doesn't change you.
Me- Fine.
Doctor- So yes to treatment?
Me- Yeah but if this shit won't work-
Doctor- Stay positive. Are you going to tell your mother?
Me- I mean I don't know how. She's been under tons of stress lately and I don't wanna hurt her or the baby she pregnant with.
Doctor- The sooner you tell her the better Kiandre.
Me- Yeah I guess.
Doctor- I'm going to give you my number. You seem to be a special boy to me Kiandre.
Me- Okay.
2:09pm
Me- Ma I needa tell you something and I know you probably are gonna be very disappointed in me....
Mom- Baby what is it?
Me- You promise to still love me after this?
Mom- Baby you scaring me and you know I will always love you.
Me- Ion know how to say this to you...
Mom- Look here Kiandre you know you can trust me with anything.
Me- Okay...
Mom- So what is it baby? You got a girl pregnant?
Me- No ma I got HIV.....
Mom- Oh....
Me- I'm sorry.....
Mom- Baby....
Me- Mom please I'm sorry!
Mom- Baby whatcha gotta be sorry for? You ain't do nothing to me okay baby? This is just something we gotta monitor and keep in check. Just like diabetes you gotta keep it in check and take ya medicine.
Me- So you not mad at me....
Mom- No baby... I love you Kiandre okay? Nothing is ever gonna change how I feel about you. You just don't need to be having unprotected sex and I told you about that.
Me- Yeah Mom it just feel so good-
Mom- Dre I don't need to know that. Come here give me a hug.
Me- Mom I love you.
Mom- I love you too baby.
Me- Do you think pops loves me still?
Mom- Baby I know he does.
~~