All Monsters Are Human

epilogue: bad end

Im so tired.
the world is spinning.
Why is he doing this to me?

"You're right."

"About what?"

"....about me...wanting to kill myself tomorrow."

"I know I am. It's all only a matter of time."

I'm so tired.
and the world is so cruel.

"Maybe you should just kill me already. I'm no fun to play with after all."

"You're always fun to play with Lucas, you're my favourite."

"Never thought I'd live to hear anyone call me their favourite."
"If I knew this was going to happen, I would have killed myself that night."

"Which night?"

"That night at the cemetery, when I first met you. After visiting my dad, I'd have thrown myself off a bridge."

"Why didn't you then?"

"That's because I met you."

"...Ahh, shame."

"I thought maybe.. I could keep living a little longer. Maybe I'll...be f-fine.."
"But.. look at me now."

I laughed. It echoed, like my voice is coming back to taunt me.

"Don't worry. You'll be alright."

"Keep saying that. Please."

"Why?"

"It hurts less."

"Okay."
"You'll be alright."

I really wish it wasn't a lie right now.

I felt the cool metal of the gun pressed against my forehead.

"Close your eyes."

All of this will end...
now.

"..Good night Lucas."
"I always loved you."

bang!!

~~~
trigger warning.
suicide.
×
just something i thought i should put in here...if you're suicidal, or thinking of suicide, you should probably stop reading the story from here, but read this little last note before you leave.

Please, please stop reading right now if you can't handle mentions of suicide.

you'll be fine. people may not seem to care, but they do. they really do. and you deserve to know that for a fact.
you're not perfect. no one is perfect, but we can all try to be happy.

hold on. there are people who love you, and i hope that one day when you finally open your eyes, you'll see the love around you.

thank you for reading.

~~~
cont.

wake up.
can't you see?
you'll never...ever...
find happiness.

The bed feels especially suffocating today. The sun is too bright. Everything is too....heavy.

I stare at my hands. My fingers are still intact.
I go to the bathroom to wash my face and try to make my hair look nice. It didn't work out, but at least I put in some effort.

I really....
really wanna die right now.

Nothing has changed. I'm still the same old me. That slash on my cheek is still there, and I cover it up with gauze.

I leave my room. I take one last look at it before going downstairs.

~

Mom isn't home. I wonder if she'll miss me if she finds out I'm already gone once she comes back.

You're nothing to her. To everyone.

It's cold when I go out, so I take Victor's scarf with me.

~

I think...
it's starting to snow.

Little white fluffs fall around me, and one lands on my nose. I keep walking, going further and further away from my house.

I go down the stairs to the subway two steps at a time, and I buy a one day pass.

I'd like to go somewhere.
Anywhere. Maybe somewhere far away.

I managed to grab a seat, and look outside as the train starts to move.

I have my phone, so I called someone, it didn't matter who.

The person you've called is unavailable, please leave a message, after the beep.

They'll never answer anyway.

I get off at a random station, walking slowly, trying to block out the noise buzzing around me.

Footsteps.
echoes.
everything.

There's so many people walking around me.
Then...why do I feel so......
..lonely?

I pulled the hood of my jacket over my eyes, and speed walk outside, relishing in the fresh air and the numbing cold.

~

How'd I end up here?

I keep walking, like I'm trying to escape from the pain of it all.
But no matter how far I walk, that staggering feeling is always just there.

I really...can't...

My knees give in as I sink to the floor, hands grasping the railing so tightly that my knuckles turned white.

The wind is pushing me. I might just fall off any moment now.

This building was taller than the others, and I could hear the busy streets under me. Red, blinking lights, the noise, the commotion of everything happening at once.

I remove my coat, folded it and put it next to my shoes.

"This world is so cruel." I whisper, my eyes still closed.

I close my eyes. I let the tears drip off my face. I let everything go.

And....
the world stops spinning as I let myself fall forward.

~

bad end.