I saw what Lexi posted on Instagram. Even though she posted it 2 months ago, I can't stop looking at it. It was a picture she took just a couple hours before we broke up. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I scrolled through all of our pictures and videos together while sitting on the tour bus in Los Angeles. Lexi and I actually did hangout a lot, just didn't post about it a lot. Here's one of my favorite memories
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She's so clingy it's cute. And the way her eyes light up whenever Jonah and I were around, ugh I just miss her in general. But I can't miss her, I'm in love with Rebecca. I called Rebecca and she picked up the phone.
R-Rebecca j-jack
R-hello?
J-hey
R-hey Jack, what's up?
J-nothing, just wanted to say hi My voice cracked
R-are you crying?
J-no?
R-*sigh* You miss Lexi don't you?
J-I'm sorry, I'm in love with you but part of me still loves her
R-its fine Jack, I kind of knew this was going to happen
J-I'm so sorry
R-are you gonna tell her?
J-no, she officially broke up with me, and like I discovered, she loves Jonah
R-I talked to her about it, I tried getting her to admit that she loved Jonah but to me, it just seems like they're really close friends
J-and we're on tour again anyways so there's no point in telling her
R-Jack, you're just scared, I was scared to tell you how I felt but I did it anyways without thinking
J-I'm not you Rebecca, I can't do things just as easy as you can
R-just fucking tell her, Jesus
J-Fine, fine
I hung up on Rebecca and scrolled through my contacts until I found Lexi's contact name. I hesitated to click on it but I did it anyways. The phone rang until someone finally picked up
L-Lexi J-Jack
L-what's up Jack?
J-I-I-you- I couldn't talk, I couldn't say it
L-hello?
J-what are you doing?
L-making cookies? Are you okay? Have you been crying? What happend? I told you, she's very caringand worrisome I started to cry more
L-Jack what's wrong???
J-I made a mistake with Rebecca
L-Jack...
J-no let me finish
J-I made mistake with Rebecca. I shouldn't have cheated on you with your bestfriend, looking back at all of our memories and seeing how happy we were, I realized that I'm an idiot, well I realized that before. But I see that I can't be with Rebecca if I still love you, and if I feel like I love you more then her then it's fucked up to stay with her. I just need to see you again My breath caught and I began crying uncontrollably
L-Jack, you're only 2 months into tour, going onto three, and I don't know what you've been doing but I know this isn't you talking. Maybe you just need a nap
J-no I don't! Alexiana I fucking love you okay?! She went silent for a second
J-I just need to see you again
L-Jack, there's an issue here
J-what?
L-you thought Jonah only made me happy and that I was in love with him right?
J-yeah..
L-but you never stopped to actually pay attention to who really made me happy, and the difference in my happiness, yeah Jonah made me happy, but not like you did, he made me happy in a friend way, you made me happy in a relationship way, I was in love with you, and you cheated on me with Rebecca because you thought you weren't good enough for me
J-but-
L-Jack you never stopped to ask if I thought you were good enough for me. You just thought it'd be best to cheat on me with my bestfriend and try and make her happy and hope Jonah made me happy, what if Jonah would have left huh? What if he would've went back to Tate? What would you have done?
J-I don't know
L-exactly, you don't know, you don't know how Jonah made me felt, I loved you, and only you, but you hurt me when you cheated on me with my bestfriend, and never asked me how I felt once, didn't ask if I was okay, it was like you didn't care, and I gave you soooo many fucking chances and you just did it again.
J-I'm sorry....
L-bye Jack.
She hung up the phone just as the guys came stumbling onto the tour bus with Chipotle and Starbucks. "Hey man you okay? Looks like you've been crying" Zach came over to me which caught the other boys attention. "Nah I'm fine, I just sneezed 5 times in a row before you guys walked in" this is perfect because I'm sick. "Oh okay. Feel better soon, I'm eating and going to bed" Daniel yawned taking his giant ass watermelon to the back.
I laughed and started coughing. After all the guys walked to the back, I started crying really hard, but quiet.
