Where Am I? (boyxboy)

Chapter Three

Hello! Happy birthday to me! Woo! As my gift to you, I give you this chapter. Please, if you want to make my birthday ultra special, comment and vote! Just a warning, there is a bit of boyxboy in this chapter. There are also some insensitive parts. I also wanted to thank you for reading!

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I was going to puke. This couldn't be happening. No. No. No. No. I wasn't dead! I never told anyone I was dead! Panic welled inside my chest as I snapped my head back and forth, looking from Emelia to Alec, then back again. Oh hell no. I gulped, nausea making my stomach roll in on itself. I could tell, with my wide eyes and pale face, I looked like I had seen a ghost.

Here I was, sitting with my ex girlfriend, and ex best friend, talking about my own death. How's that for ironic. I gasped for air. Guilt rushing through me. I was the reason Emelia couldn't move on. I was the reason she had changed. I am the reason Alec is looking at me with pain etched in his features.

"Crow? Are you okay?" Emelia asked me, her tears had dried and her hysterics gone.

"Yeah, man, you look like you're going to be sick." Alec said, unusually kind to the social outcasts. But that was who he was, just like I used to be, a coward. I nodded weakly, holding my stomach, fearing, if I let go, I would fall apart.

"I'm not feeling to well, I think the chicken wasn't good for me. I'm just gonna go to the bathroom." I said weakly, barely above a whisper. Emelia looked at me, worry in her glossy blue eyes. I smiled at her, it probably resembled more of a grimace but it would have to do. I glared at Alec and said, trying to muster my will back.

"Don't you dare hurt her anymore than she already is, or I swear to god I will kill you." I said, my voice coming out more shaky than I would've liked. He snorted, the vulnerability and kindness leaving his gaze.

"Please. You couldn't stop me, even if you tried." He gloated, but a serious sincerity crossed his features and he looked at me with such an intensity, I wasn't sure if it was the same guy I had seen this morning. "I wouldn't do that. I was close to him as well." Alec admitted, his voice getting soft. I nodded. Needing to get out of here. I couldn't see the sadness in his eyes. I didn't want to hear the crack in his voice. I couldn't stand the guilt in Emelia's words. The chains that forever bound her to me.

Breathing heavily, I all but ran to the nearest bathroom. I knew this school well, and I wasn't one to forget. Rushing into a stall I made it just in time to throw up in the toilet. I kneeled there a moment, dry heaving. My stomach empty. Just like me. I was empty, a shell of myself, a shell of the boy who smiled freely with friends and argued with his parents. I wasn't that boy anymore. I didn't realize I was crying until hot tears dripped onto my wringing hands. This was my fault. Then again, it wasn't. Someone must've spread the rumor that I was dead. You didn't just come up with that for gossip.

Maybe they just really thought I was dead, heard about by suicide attempt and didn't hear anything else. They were just assuming that I was dead. It wasn't my fault. Still, as I told myself that, guilt was still fizzling through my body at the speed of light, leaving an discomfort in my chest.

"Damn. I thought you were kidding. You really didn't like that chicken." Alec chuckled out from behind me. I couldn't look at him instead I stood up and replied wryly.

"More like it didn't like me." I said, moving to the sink and drinking water from the faucet, trying to rid myself of the taste of the reappearance of my lunch. Alec chuckled behind me, then grew silent.

"I wanted to thank you." He said quietly, I almost couldn't hear him. I raised an eyebrow at him as I dried my face with a paper towel. "For Emelia, she's needed a friend since Dawson died..." He trailed off, looking down guiltily. Frustrated I pressed, "Then why weren't you her friend if you were close to this kid as well as her?" I asked hotly, already knowing the answer. To my surprise Alec didn't snap at me, he didn't even reply. He just looked at me, something unfamiliar flickered in his eyes for the second time that day.