Where Am I? (boyxboy)

Chapter Twelve

Okay, so there is some boyxboy in this chapter. *blushes* Hope you enjoy!

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The weekend passed slowly. I mostly read and wrote about the events over the past few weeks. Writing was a good release, and I felt a little better after breaking up with Emelia officially. Though it wasn't like it was any different on her end, she still felt the impending need to stay loyal to a boy she could never have.

This life was becoming increasingly complicated, and the more I tried to repair it, the worse it seemed to get. I had lost sight of what I was doing, of where I was, who I was. Alec and Emelia reminded me that I was still Dawson, Noah reminded me that I was now Crow. I didn't feel like anyone anymore. I didn't want to be anyone anymore. I wanted to disappear. 

Over the weekend the thought of suicide crossed my mind more than I would like to admit. Something was stopping me though. The rumor. I had to find out who was responsible. It felt personal to me, and I wanted my revenge, or closure. I wasn't sure anymore. 

I came to this school with the idea that I wouldn't get close to anyone. I would be a silent bystander, alone. Now I had Emelia, who I immediately felt protective over. I felt she was my responsibility, since I had been her boyfriend, and I was responsible for her suffering. I had Noah who I was tied to because of his inner knowledge of my identity. Someone, who I also felt protective of, since I had apparently almost killed someone because they had attacked the boy. 

I had made an enemy out of Matt, and almost killed him. I'm sure I would hear about it on Monday where I would most likely be suspended if not expelled. Then I'd have a real problem. 

And finally, Alec. My ex best friend. My ex best friend who I had now fooled around with, twice. Someone, who to my utter despair was becoming important to me. I felt an unfamiliar warmth, I had all but forgotten, when I saw him. I felt an electric energy when he touched me. I felt a fire in my body when we kissed. When I entered school, he was the first person I looked for. His gaze sent shivers down my spine and his voice made me want to feel my lips on his. When I saw the sorrow in his eyes it made me want to embrace him in my arms. 

He was becoming a weakness. He made me feel alive. He made me feel happy. Something I had sworn off. It was to painful when the darkness returned, wiping the happiness away. Alec was gorgeous, into me, and totally dangerous. He was the one who could destroy me. He was becoming someone I could lose. Someone who made me vulnerable. 

So now I decided I would have to avoid my sexy conquest. Push down the feelings, stop the lingering looks. Ignore the mindless need to flirt and tease. It was imperative to stay away, for my sake and his. It wasn't fair to him to be with someone who was lying to you the entire time. It wasn't fair to me that we would be sneaking around so perfect boy Alec Stingher could keep his spot at the top of the school.

Finally Monday came. It had already been three weeks since I started at my old school and the autumn weather was beginning to set in. I had finished all my homework, because of the lack of anything else to do. I even went so far to complete the work I had to make up from my week "away" and got ahead on my readings for history and psych 101. 

I completed my usual routine, enjoying the shimmering black-blue color of my hair. I put on a long sleeve Pierce the Veil shirt and my favorite black skinny jeans that had become worn from years of use. Long rips marred the front of the denim, going all the way up my thigh. They fit perfectly.

I was out the door and walking to school, apple in hand when I heard my phone buzz with the sound of an incoming text message. It was from Noah.

I found something interesting. Find me at lunch.