Where Am I? (boyxboy)

Chapter Thirteen

This chapter is kind of short, sorry. This is a lot of Crow's inner thoughts, and will be important in other chapters. Keep in mind, Crow has immense emotional damage and his way of thinking is totally different from the average person. Don't judge him too harshly. Although you may not interpret it this way, I found this chapter heartbreaking. Can't wait for you to read it! *Laughs then breaks down and sobs*

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The rest of the week was uneventful. Emelia stayed mysteriously absent. I was beginning to worry. She had answered one of my texts. Saying she was dealing with some stuff and would be back in school soon. Noah hadn't found anything else concerning the mystery of the text message.

The situation, I had come to call it, was always in my thoughts, just underneath the frail encasement I had made for my overwhelming feelings. It hurt to even think of him. It scared me more than anything else. I wasn't scared that he didn't reciprocate my feelings. I knew in my heart that he did, but something was still holding him back. Well, more like many things. He had Matt to worry about. He had his career as a basketball player, if he came out, to worry about. Though none of that was what I was concerned with, it was the emotions in his eyes when he thought of Dawson.

The love, and caring in those beautiful aqua orbs was stifling. Knowing that he, if I was correct, still loved Dawson he couldn't love Crow. Who would've known my biggest rival would be myself. Confusion had plagued me for days, I was on the edge of a mental breakdown. I could admit that I loved Alec, finally. But did I love the memories, or did I love him? I wanted him with an urgency I didn't know I had in me. And of course the ever so daunting question, did he love me back?

It was after last period on a Friday, much to the relief of the whole student body. Thankful for my fast healing process I looked down at my exposed arms. My cuts were knitting the skin back together and the bruises that had once shown dark purple on my body were now a sickly yellow color. I had ignored and avoided Alec throughout the week, and it seemed as if he gave up trying to get through to me.

I was the only one left in the gym, the other guys had gone to change and rush out of the school. I looked at the familiar worn court, it's blue, red, and white, lines tracing to make the basketball court. A court I had spent many afternoons and weekends occupying myself with the feel of the ball in my hand and the screech of my shoes on the wood.

I eyed the basketballs on the metal rack in the corner of the gym, hidden slightly from view. No one was around, why not go for it? I succumbed easier than I had expected. I really didn't have any restraint when it came to the things I loved. I walked slow, purposeful steps, still hesitant, knowing I shouldn't be doing this. I had made a commitment not to play. Not let anyone see the light inside of me. I was most comfortable when I was dribbling on the court.

I reached out with both hands. They shook slightly with excited anticipation. It was almost as if I thought the ball would attack me, until I wrapped my hands around it. That was the end. I was shooting, dribbling, passing on the wall. I was working on my coordination and faking out. I played a one man game until sweat poured down my forehead and my shirt was stuck to my back and chest. I promised myself this would be the last shot, as I had promised before, three shots ago. From the three point line I bent at my knees and elbows. Guiding with my right hand I pushed the ball towards the net with my left, creating a perfect arc. And a perfect basket, making the satisfying swish as the ball slipped through the net.

I put the ball back on the rack and turned to see a shadowy figure in the doorway to the locker room. This is exactly why I shouldn't have let myself play, I chastised myself. Like in one of those soap operas, the person stepped out from the shadows and into the dim lighting of the gym. I froze. It just had to be him.