Where Am I? (boyxboy)

Chapter Fourteen

Happy Wednesday! Hope you enjoy the chapter, Crow kind of becomes a different person because of the last chapter. How do you think everyone will respond, will they even notice? Anyway I hope you all are doing alright, I have some pretty scary things on the way and it's getting a bit overwhelming. Don't worry though, I plan on having a chapter done for you every week, as promised.

*****

"Crow?" I heard Alec call out hesitantly, from behind me. I turned to look at him, one eyebrow arched perfectly in an unimpressed look. As my gaze met Alec's he recoiled, like he was shocked, like he could see the difference in my eyes.

It wasn't a dramatic difference. Not something the eyes or ears could pick up easily. The cold aura was something you could see in the little things I did. The utter apathy shown itself in my steady uncaring gaze. The fire that usually lay deep within the amber depths was doused and were now dull and lifeless.

My voice, which usually was so animated with emotion, even when it was with uncaring defiance, was even, like talking to a monotone robot. Interest that I had shown in the lives of others, questions I would ask, would be no more.

No anger. No sadness. No happiness. No guilt. No pain. No loss. No love.

I couldn't bring myself to care that I didn't feel a damn thing.

"Alec." I said, looking at him indifferently. His sculpted brows furrowed as he looked at me, a deep sadness rooted in his eyes. He opened and closed his mouths a couple of times trying to find the right words. I rolled my eyes, turning away to walk down the steps. I expected him to call after me, he didn't.

I walked silently back to my house, it was like I wasn't even there. I felt separate from my surroundings. My own body felt numb from the gaping emptiness inside of me. Detachment. That was all there was. I was outside the glass once again.

I could look in and see everything happening. I could see myself going through the motions. I could see everyone around me with a cold, calculated, logical mind. My emotions were left out of every decision, and I relished in the feeling. It was easier this way. I was still outside the glass. Looking in. No one could hear me, no one could see me. I could see them. I could see myself, but I was no longer part of their world. I was an onlooker in my own body.

Aunt Raven was home when I got there. I looked at her, the women I owed so much to, the women who saved me, when I had no one else. I looked at her, and I felt nothing. The good part, apart feeling nothing, I could pretend to be my usual self, with ease. Inside, none of it was genuine.

The smile I put on my face was easy, as was the hug I embraced her in. The light conversation about my day was easy without the emotions weighing me down. I found when I didn't care, when there was a wall separating me from my compassion and pain, the problems I had were easy to share. I just didn't care who knew. It didn't matter.

So with an even voice and a silly smile, I shared with my guardian everything that had been happening. I could see her frown deepening at each word. I just kept talking. It didn't bother me that I was worrying my guardian, or that I was probably going to need to start going back to therapy. Nothing mattered.

After my gut spilling with Aunt Raven, that left her speechless, I went up to my room to do homework. I put my ipod in it's speaker and blasted my 'Don't Talk to Me' play list. Yes, I actually do name my playlists, usually something rather insulting or vulgar. Currently I was listening to Black Veil Bride's Wretched and Divine album. Singing along with Andy's orgasmic voice. That man is sex itself.

After finishing all my assigned homework, and out of pure boredom going on to the next few chapters in calculus I lay on my bed, trying to keep my eyes from drifting shut. It was a losing battle, and I entered the only place I could feel anymore, my dreams.