Where Am I? (boyxboy)

Chapter Nineteen

Hope you all enjoy! irwinemo was kind enough to make this awesome cover! I appreciate it so much! Do you guys want me to put some chapters of your choice in Alec's POV at the end of the story?

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I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling. My thoughts had gone on a vacation somewhere, and for once I was left in a half conscious world filled with emptiness. Like my whole life was wiped clean. The only thing on my mind was the look in Alec's eyes, the deep rooted caring, and how it made my hear soar in my chest. Something that was so foreign to me.

Like a viper, the darkness sunk it's fangs into me, venom spreading throughout my body slow and painful. My chest clenched and I found myself clutching unconsciously at my skin, right where my heart beat erratically in my ribcage.

Feeling myself shutting down, my eyes blanked out. The moment of peace was gone. The agony had returned, just like it always did. Alec was giving me something that I had no right to be involved with. A happiness so pure. A love so infatuating. It was killing me. It was all so new, I didn't quite know what to do with myself. The feelings were so foreign. Like walking into kindergarten on the first day. You don't know anyone, it's your very first experience in school, you have no idea what to expect. Except I had my parents. They had made everything alright.

"Mom! Hurry up, I want to get to school, I need to get a good seat or else I'll end up by the trashcan!" I yelled, having been up for an hour trying to make sure everything was perfect for today. Already at a young age I had expectations stacked upon expectations on myself. I wanted to make a good impression. I wanted to have friends. I wanted to be the person the other kids could look up to.

"Okay, Dawson. Come on your father and I will bring you." Mom said coming into my room, where I was frantically trying to stuff my little game boy into my overstuffed backpack, which later would seem the size of a girl's purse. I looked at her, feeling hot tears try to creep down my face.

"Mom-" She smiled, her honey eyes warm and sweet, just like her. I wiped furiously at my face. Boys don't cry. Boys were strong. I turned away from her, so she wouldn't see my tears. Then I felt warm arms wrap themselves around me, turning me gently. I looked into my mom's eyes that, at the time, were so much like mine. Filled with compassion. I looked at her, feeling my nerves make my hands tremble. She smiled at me.

"Dawson." She didn't say anything else, but to my utter relief she managed to rearrange my pack and fit everything I needed inside. I looked up to her, giving a silent thanks. "Alright kiddo. Are you ready now?" Mom asked, fixing my hair, making me groan and roll my eyes.

"Come on you two, we've got a first day of school to attend." Dad said, standing in the doorway, dressed in his work clothes. I wasn't quite sure what Dad did, but I knew it had to be something important. He did wear a suit. I ran to him, and he picked me off the floor, laughing up at me. I now was hovering over his head, giggling.

I don't really remember much after that. On my bed I curled in on myself, wrapping my arms around me, just like my mother had done all those years ago. My hands were cold and rough, where hers were soft and warm. I shivered lightly, shutting my eyes as tightly as I could, as the familiar burning sensation triggered behind my eyes.

"Dawson! Come down it's time to go see your new therapist." Aunt Raven yelled up to my from the front door, that she had only walked in moments before. I groaned, sitting up and bracing myself for the wall that would come up. Shielding me from the world, and secluding me. It was time to put the mask back on.

I tromped down the stairs, throwing Aunt Raven a disapproving look. This would be first session with Izzy. She didn't want me to call her doctor, saying that we shouldn't be so formal when I was talking about myself. The idea made sense. She wanted to make me feel comfortable, and I didn't like that at all. It was always the one's who tried to open you up who end up snapping all the faster.